• Two:You agree and put up with behavior that damages your marriage or parent relationship. (codependency)

o Example: An emotional affair, a physical affair, a sexless marriage, drug dependency, your child doesn’t observe curfew, or refuses to go to Mass, refuses to do their chores

• Three:We say one thing and do another (hypocrisy)

o Basically, we don’t live according to our own rules, morals, and boundaries.

o Example: Our wife has an affair, so we have an affair, our wife calls us names, so we call her names, our wife criticizes us so we criticize her, we debate with our kids as if they are adults.

• Four: Needy behaviors designed to control your wife.(insecurity)

o In short, all the Marriage Killing Behaviors listed encourage and breed disrespect...

o Arguing, bickering, debating, criticizing her, trying to control her, correcting her behavior, blaming her, and complaining, verbally attacking and defending, reminding, and stopping the need to defend yourself!

o Understand the fear you have about upsetting or making your wife and children uncomfortable breeds continued disrespect and helps them feel free to continue treating you as they please with no consequences.

o Gentlemen, you cannot be a wuss in your family!

Encouraging Respect And Love (Consequences)

• Even though your marriage may be in a bad way consequences for disrespect must be implemented immediately.

• And boundaries must be at the forefront.

  o Example: willing to leave the home, willing to partially separate, taking your child’s phone, or not getting them anything for Christmas.

• Consequences stop our spouse from taking us for granted.
• Again, would you accept this behavior from a woman you were initially dating? Surely not! You would dump her in a hot minute!
• Imagine if you knew you would not get evicted if you refused to pay your rent? How often would you actually write a check out of the twelve-month lease?
• Remember we encourage what we accept!

  Insert Boundaries Instead Of Arguing Or To Stop Feeling Like A Doormat

• At first it will seem that you need to keep arguing, complaining, or blaming, or discussing your marriage problems to get results.
• This is an illusion and will continue to cause more damage unknowingly to you and your wife.
• Inserting boundaries and the skill of agreement(responding to what is true and empathizing with it, and ignoring what you don’t agree with to prevent arguing and encourage cooperation) will accomplish more and in a shorter time than decades of arguing will!
• When we insert boundaries, a key component is inserting empathy and sympathy, with a brief explanation of why (AKA Loving Messages) and to always treat your wife friendly and with respect!

o Example: Sweetheart, I love you and want to help you, but I can no longer stay here as you destroy our marriage by continuing to abuse drugs!

Good Examples Of Boundaries

• Cancel all the credit cards if your spouse refuses to curb spending
• Leave immediately every time your wife calls you a bad name, even if it means calling an Uber or taxi to get home from a party, restaurant etc.
• Take separate cars rather than ride with a verbally abusive wife
• Hiring a babysitter if your wife refuses to pick up the kids on time from school or properly share the parenting duties to give you time off or making you feel like a doormat.
• Calling 911 and have your child put in juvenile detention if they physically hit you.
• Calling 911 to have your wife put on a psychiatric 72 - hour hold,

  if your wife hits you, is physically and mentally out of control or

  threatens to harm herself physically.

• This protects you, your kids, and your wife from herself!

  This Sounds Good, But This Will Piss Off My Wife And Kids

• Ok, so what is the alternative to being a wuss and allowing the disrespect to go unchecked?

o Mismanagement of money: You will go broke, and have no retirement or far less retirement than you should have.

o Name calling: You will continue to receive verbal abuse from your wife, which encourage your children to the same or worse.

o Car ride: Continue to endure verbal abuse from your wife and worse yet be trapped inside a moving vehicle with no way of getting out!

o Doormat parenting: You will become more resentful and stressed because you are the only one doing all of the proper parenting

o Juvenile detention for your child: there comes a point when you have done all of the loving communication you can, taken everything away from your child that you can, have restricted all of the extra activities that you can, spanked your child all that you can.

o The last resort is to get them out of the house, because they are damaging your marriage, and the family and must be put under control and understand that continuing to challenge authority has consequences.

o And if their father or mother won’t control them, society has drastic means that will.

o Remember discipline is what we do for someone not to someone.

o And if we refuse to properly discipline our child, we must ask ourselves are we doing this to prevent them from hurting or ourselves from feeling the pain of being a proper parent?

o Psychiatric hold for your wife: Many times mentally ill people refuse to acknowledge they are mentally ill.

o They won’t take their medication or get it adjusted, they won’t pray, go to Mass or confession, they won’t allow you to properly love and help them.

o So, what are you to do when a person refuses to help themselves or allow you to help them and they begin to emotionally, mentally, and physically shut down, lose control, and harm you, themselves or the children?

o Answer, you get them away and force them to get help!

o If we don’t are we doing this for our wife’s benefit or trying to prevent ourselves from feeling bad, or uncomfortable, or our wives from being upset at us?

o The hallmark of True and Authentic Masculinity is doing what must be done in the eyes of God even when we will suffer the pains that follow!

Bringing It All Together: Suffer Now Or Suffer Worse Longer

• Yes, I said it, get respect, love, and insert boundaries to stop the madness!
• Either choose to suffer less now or endure the pain longer while suffering worse.
• As always, it truly is in your hands!
• Our neediness, and fear of losing a favorable relationship with our wife and children feeds the demon.
• We must be willing to lose to gain. If we aren’t then our wife and children will continue their behavior towards us.
• While this main seem less painful in the short term, it breeds disrespect not just for you, but for God as well.
• What happens when your children begin to treat their girlfriend or boyfriend, or the police, or teachers like they treat you.

BAM!

TRANSITION