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Christian Marriage Counseling:

Public Enemy #1

As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another"
~Proverbs 27:17

Christian Marriage Counseling

The Emergence

I’m young and dumb with no experience. It’s a night terror (a haze). As a result, my wife and I are having troubles. But, I don’t realize it.

I’m in the military, so my work hours are outrageous. The span’s been weeks or longer since we’ve made love. As a matter of fact, this pattern is now normal for us.

Each night, the same routine. She slides into the farthest point of the bed. Next, turning her back towards me; falling asleep.

I conclude, she has to sense I’m upset with this treatment. In fact, I misconceive she’s doing this on purpose to hurt me (this happens when a husband and wife don’t talk enough.)

My mind wanders and imagines all sorts of thoughts in her head. Again, the emotion of rejection and frustration arise. I explode!

Although, my rational mind knows these points aren’t valid. The stress and frustration take over.

I remove myself from under the covers. At once, I start pacing. I look at her as she sleeps (she appears, peaceful).

I approach the foot of the bed. An emotion so strong engulfs my whole body, as I lift the foot of the bed, and slam it on the floor!

My wife awakens with a start. “What’s wrong with you!”

Again, I’m a coward, “Nothing, nothing, just go back to sleep.”

In short, I don’t want to expose my true emotions. I’m already sensing inner rejection and frustration. So, now she wants me to admit my shame, and talk about the issue (after this dumb move?)

Hell no! Screw her! It will not happen. I shouldn’t have to say anything. She knows why I’m agonizing. She’s just doing this to prove some stupid point (Although, I have no idea what the heck the point is.)

So, what happens. Nothing. She turns over and resumes sleeping. Me, feeling foolish; get back in the bed; count sheep; fall asleep; problem unresolved.

Iron Sharpens Iron

Fact, no matter what society tries to impress upon you; men alone influence men. Hence, iron sharpens iron. We look to other men, even as adults, to mold and guide us.

Further, we try never ending, to find examples of strong, and masculine men worthy of our admiration.

In fact, calling forth the instinct, to forge us into purposeful and honorable men of God. Although, sad but true, few (very few) men today own these qualities.

Why? Well, because it’s hard. Difficult in fact, assuming the responsibility of a virtuous role model. Forever setting the best example of ourselves for our sons to emulate.

This takes extreme courage. And the sad fact; this forging has to take place beginning in the womb.

But, with no husbands around to start the steps, we get what we have today; cowards.

The Future

A habit of mine is to always consider the future of my current environment (actions, decisions/indecisions). Thus, helping me to ponder, and head off potential car crashes down the road.

Now, I want you to consider the following five questions. Take at least 30 seconds to a minute (of course, you should take longer) and reflect:

Stop Christian Marriage Counseling In Its Tracks!

Get Your Marriage Off The Back Burner!

5 Questions: Your Crossroads

The affects of Christian Marriage Counseling can set you ablaze (your mind, your body and your soul!) — The Crossroads Of A Christian Soldier

1) Why do you think you’re having mild or severe intimacy problems in your marriage, when it comes to the marital embrace?

2) Why do you want to save your marriage?

3) Do you possess enough perseverance and fortitude to endure for the long haul?

4) Six months or a year from now, what vision do you have for your marriage?

5) And last, what is your plan to get there?

Tough questions huh?

Good, you need challenging. How else will you grow?

Warning: If You Don’t Grasp This Idea: You Will Fail!

LOVE IS AN ACT OF THE WILL!

Love isn’t this warm and fuzzy feeling used only to inflate our ego, selfish desires and pleasures. To be clear, ego should never partner with love. Love isn’t fleeting. The disparity between love, and “in love” is a façade.

More important, love is a decision; a commitment. You either decide to love or you decide not to love. On the same note, you either commit to love or you don’t. Plain and simple; no in between.

Perseverance is the key.

You must command yourself, “ I will weather the storm! Not; “I hope I can weather the storm.”

“I will love her 100 lifetimes.”

Not; “I hope I can love her for a lifetime.”

You see the difference? If you don’t; you must keep reading and sign up for my free two week email course located in this article. (Or read more on this subject here.) It's vital you comprehend this one principle. It's the foundation of marriage and love!

Furthermore, it's a staple principal to keep you out of so called, Christian marriage counseling.

If you’re unable to get past this, the odds are, nothing else will help you (1, 5, 10 or 100 years) into the future. Why? Because you can’t give the gift of total self to your wife.

You’ll always have one foot in, and one foot out the door. To this end, her natural instincts will reveal this in her heart, in her mind and in her soul.

What does this mean? In truth, you are dispensable, interchangeable, just like every other coward in society (unwilling to be; ALL IN!)

I Didn’t Have What You Have: A Mentor

An article exists called “How Therapy Can Be Hazardous To Your Marital Health”. This article by William J. Doherty, PhD instructs us to invoke marriage counseling (or Christian marriage counseling) as a last resort.

The reason being is, most therapists are terrible at it. In the article he calls marriage counseling (divorce counseling).

He advises, what couples need more than (priests, reverends, ministers, counselors or therapists) is a strong mentor.

This means, couples need successful examples of strong and lasting marriages from …? Yep, you guessed correct, other couples who are doing things the right way.

Moreover, Christian marriages set the most outstanding examples.

Dr. Doherty also states, men don’t do well in therapy such as Christian marriage counseling, one because they hate therapy.

Second, because there’s too much talking, and the therapist more often than not, ends up blaming the husband.

Third, the man realizes a problem exists. In effect, just wants to get the answer, so he can begin working on the exact issue.

He doesn’t want 100 sessions focused on talking, and feelings and all that nonsense (and I don’t blame him).

Well, I have come to believe that this is really the reverse of how it ought to be, that people first need support people, mentors, other couples in their lives, and then they need marriage educators and then they need therapists—in that order.”
~Dr. William J. Doherty~smartmarriages.com

My Parents Divorced Late

Although, divorce happened to my parents in my twenties. They separated when I was 16. So, my father was around my whole childhood.

On the other hand, my sister and I never recovered from my parent’s marriage demise.

The propaganda children and families receive concerning divorce, is foolishness. Moreover, I suspect numerous couples realize the facts, but center too much on themselves to admit and act on the disinformation.

As much as it’s perpetrated as pure truth. There’s not a single entity in this country that in reality, cares about the complete well-being of children.

For instance, the courts, the government, the schools, the parents.

Yes, I said it, these factions are too busy considering their own wants and desires, to deal with such third class citizens as children.

Consider the facts, divorce above 50%. Terrible schools. Mothers having sex with multiple partners, and chasing the fathers away. The fathers impregnating numerous women, and abandoning their families. And last but not least, empty Churches. Say I’m lying!

I Know Your Wife Has Faults Too

If you appraise this article is a “fix my wife, and ignore all my shortcomings” you’re in the wrong place. I recognize you don’t want to hear this, but we can’t worry about your wife’s faults, actions and behaviors at this time.

You can be sure, we will never focus on her. Why? First of all because it’s dumb. You can’t force someone to change. They must want to change through free will.

If you try to force her, she will rebel. Which means, more distrust, more arguing more chaos. Is this what you want in your future? Can you say Christian marriage counseling?

For this purpose, “The Father” doesn’t force a soul to come to Him. Furthermore, if He forces us or you force your wife, is that real love? Or, are we submitting because we must?

More important, if we get you right, and focus on how to improve you, your wife will be glad and ecstatic to follow your lead. She’ll have no ammunition to fling at you.

Above all, she’ll then center on what she may be doing wrong to undermine your marriage. How wonderful is that?

The trick is, your wife will see how you’ve changed (not by your words but by actions). From this point, she’ll start focusing on her own faults. As well as, how she can please you, and be the best wife possible.

Not because you forced her into submission, but because you trimmed away the rough edges. In essence, becoming the husband she needs.

In my experience, a smart, intelligent, sweet and feminine woman can get behind a man like that. In fact, she is compelled to.

Before You Quit; Please Consider These: Brother We Need You!

The society doesn’t need one more failed marriage. What we need is perseverance, and outstanding examples of magnificent marriages. Christian marriages that nothing but a strong, courageous and masculine man, such as yourself can provide.

Will You Be "A Man Of Courage?"

Do You Possess The Will, Perseverance, Patience, Discipline And Humility?

Fatherless Home Statistics: Will This Be Your Legacy?

To avoid Christian marriage counseling requires a king of the jungle mentality such as the courage of a lion. Do you possess the perseverance? — Are You A Man Of Courage?

1) Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.

2) 24 million children (34 percent) live absent their biological father. The same stat for black children is more dramatic.

3) 72% of black children live absent their father. Remember; what happens to the least of us; happens to the rest of us.

4) Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.

5) 43 percent of first marriages dissolve within fifteen years; about 60 percent of divorcing couples have children; and approximately one million children each year experience the divorce of their parents.

6) Fathers who live with their children are more likely to have a close, enduring relationship with their children than those who do not.

7) Compared to children born within marriage, children born to cohabiting parents are three times as likely to experience father absence, and children born to unmarried, non-cohabiting parents are four times as likely to live in a father-absent home.

8) About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year; 26 percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children; and 50 percent of children living absent their father have never set foot in their father’s home.

9) Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents.

10) Studies on parent-child relationships and child wellbeing show that father love is an important factor in predicting the social, emotional, and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults.

More Stats Here: The Fatherless Generation

Christian Marriage Counseling Letting You Down?

Want to understand why?

Consider the 20-Minute Marriage Makeover Challenge!

5 (less than) 20-minute (do it yourself) videos, to help you discover ...

Chaos in your marriage and home? Watch video 2
Could your lack of leadership or Authentic Masculinity be the culprit? Watch Video 3
Is your intimacy average or non-existent? This is most likely the reason – Watch video 4

Tips On How To Save A Failing Marriage: Consume The 20-Minute Marriage Makeover!

Your Next Step Starts Here...Stop The Feeling Of Helplessness…

Get Catholic Marriage Help...Now!

Divorce: Bad Move

Ok, I know what you’re thinking. No way am I going to abandon my kids! Yeah, right (see bullet eight above).

The Consequence Of Selfishness

The Future Of Your Child Without You

The Top 5 Actions That Occur Upon Divorce

1. Multiple men raise your children (they are no longer influenced by you). Why?

You are no longer around.

2. Your ex-wife moves to another state or town.

3. Your children are sexually abused.

Main target; your daughter.

4. You spend half the time with your kids than before the divorce.

5. Your ex-wife poisons the children against you.

And Many More I Haven't Mentioned!

Message To The Ignorant:Your Marriage Must Come First

Above all, after your relationship with Christ, your marriage must come first. Your relationship with your wife must never yield to any other union or friendship.

Evil is after your family. Evil knows the way to any man is his family. Moreover, he knows the first casualty has to be the destruction of your marriage.
Jerry Jacobs Jr.

To accentuate, I mean everything and everyone. Your job, your possessions, your mom, your dad, your friends, your siblings, and yes; your children. Why? Because without your wife, without your marriage, do you have a family? No you don’t!

In fact, you’re less than what you were. You will never be whole again. Your children will never recover.

Furthermore, you must work on your marriage until exhaustion. Never allow anything to cause interference between you, and your beloved.

Remember, first priority; no excuses!

Your marriage can’t ever be second place. As a matter of fact, you must do battle in the supernatural. As well as the physical world.

Christ must be involved in every facet of your union. Holy Matrimony takes three. You, your wife and God. Understand my friend, a battle is going on, whether you want to admit the conflict or not.

Hey, I Thought This Was About Enhancing The Intimacy In My Marriage?

Yes, that misconception is common in today’s society. We are bombarded with sex so often. As a by-product, we mistake the solution as simple. All I need is sex, and I’m ok.

The problem; this kind of sex is a temporary fix. Sure, sex (other than Christ) is the most important action in your marriage. However, it must be the right intimacy. Your love making must be sacred and looked upon as such.

To reach this point, you must establish a foundation. If not, your situation will repeat itself in a year or less.

As a result, you’re pissed off at me, yelling, “What Happened!”

At once, the first thing I will ask, “Did you do as I instructed?”

Stick with me, I will lead you to your destination. However, you can’t be lazy. This one time in your life, you must follow instruction to the tee. Your marriage and family are on the line.

Don’t be aloof! Stay focused on the prize.

Rejection

This sensation can be overpowering. I understand. I’ve experienced rejection (more than once, more than twice). Moreover, rejection has a sidekick (frustration). These two in conjunction compound matters.

You must focus on how you arrived here. Did you neglect her? Did you take her for granted? Were you depressed and trying to bury your emptiness in sports, games, technology, friends?

Furthermore, to mask that hole in your gut, did you use the above to distract you from the reality that your life is going nowhere? And, in fact, will come to an end?

What I need you to realize is, you can turn this around. Understand that your life has meaning. Every action, every decision you make can move you towards Christ or away.

Yet, God has instilled in you a plan from the beginning of your creation. I realize you hear this a lot, but do you in reality, understand why?

Since Adam

Yes, since Adam caused the fall, God has sent prophets and set many things into motion. He enlisted Abraham, Moses and David to create great people, generations and countries.

He even humbled Himself to the level of dirt, to sacrifice His only begotten Son for His mission; His ultimate plan.

And all for what? Why did God create this vast mission? Battling over millennia; enduring the rebellion of Angels; dispensing mercy and love. All the while, experiencing suffering and death?

Why would he do this? After all, in the end, we; the people; are dirt.

Why has the Almighty sacrificed so many and so much?

Because, he wants all in existence; all that ever was, and ever will be, to once again join in one Christian community.

In essence, join Him. Once and forever, bond as the Church Triumphant, the Church Suffering, and the Church Militant. In turn, we His children can share in His Divine existence. To be forever eternal.

This mission is your number one mission. To get your wife’s one and only soul to Heaven. For this my friend, you are held accountable.

Will you fail?

Not if I have anything to do with it!

Summary

In This Article: How We've Rocked It!

You learned the most important idea you must perceive or your Christian marriage will fail! (Love is an act of the will.)
You learned the five actions that will occur immediately upon your divorce (now fatherless home). Ex: Your wife will let another man raise your children.
You learned which relationship is the most important on this earth. Far and above; your marriage relationship!
And finally, you learned your number one mission as a Christian husband in service of Christ. To get your Beloved wife to Heaven.
Bonus: As a man, do your utmost to stay away from Christian Marriage Counseling!

Have you been to Christian Marriage Counseling (AKA Divorce Counseling?)

If you are a husband. What are some of your experiences?

What's Coming Next?

In My Upcoming Article We'll Focus On:

Intimacy/sexual problems in your marriage? Learn the more than 20 possible causes. As well as, how to begin squashing them now!
Realize how your many years of premarital sex is now contaminating your marriage, and the marital embrace.
Understand how every sexual taboo you've broken over the years, is now inserting cancerous cells directly into your marriage, and bedroom today. More importantly, how you can begin repairing it now!