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Ephesians 5: Wives And Husbands

Misinterpreted; Misunderstood

It takes three to make love, not two, you, your spouse and God. Without God people only succeed in bringing out the worst in one another. Lovers who have nothing else to do but love each other soon find there is nothing else. Without a central loyalty life is unfinished."

~Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

Ephesians 5:

The Marriage You Want; The Marriage You Need

These verses are so often misinterpreted. This stems from ignorance of God “The Father”. As well as, the lack of unselfishness and humility on the part of each spouse.

Many times we feel that just because we don't agree with or like a teaching, or the Word of the Father, we can dismiss it. Furthermore, rationalize in our limited minds a reason for why we don't have to.

Then our lives, more specific our marriage becomes crap.

[pullquote]Why? Because we (through ignorance and disobedience) more important plain stupidity, decide we know better than Christ. In effect, believing we're our own god.[/pullquote]

Commencing, doing things our way. Meanwhile, neglecting to realize that for 2000 years the Church, not to mention our Creator, put into place a road map for our happiness.

So, what do we do. Screw things up. Then run to God shouting, "Help me, help me, oh, please help me!" Just dumb!

The proof of this statement? Look at the divorces, selfishness, the millions of children without a father to look up to.

The hordes of single and lonely people in society, duped into believing marriage is just a piece of paper (Yeah, that's real smart.)

The many wives who have left their marriages for greener pastures. As a result, conclude the grass wasn't as advertised; regretting their selfishness for breaking up their home.

What about your marriage? Did you do things your way? How has "your way" worked out for you? I suspect, not as grand as you've hoped.

Maybe Ephesians 5 (21-33) can offer a place of solitude.

God’s Commandments:

A Set Of Rules; Or An Abundance Of Love?

We should perceive “The Almighty’s” direction as we would our human father. When Christians say they fear God, it means the fear of losing His grace, and the fear of disappointing Him in some manner.

For example, most fathers put rules and plans into place for the good of the family. They aren’t trying to control or manipulate or punish us. In contrast, our human fathers want us to flourish, and become the best we can be.

For instance, when we are toddlers, rules are put into place telling us, don’t touch the hot stove. Why? Because fire is harmful to our body.

However, a toddler doesn’t understand the rule. His mind isn’t able to comprehend why the stove is hot. But, his father does understand. In addition, experience, understanding and intellect is his gift to us.

When the toddler grows into a man, he realizes why the stove was hot, and why a rule was in place. Further, he needed to embrace obedience, trust and defer to his human father, until he was able to comprehend his surroundings.

Should You Trust And Embrace His Guidance?

In the physical world, we are experiencing the plight of the toddler. God is outside of time. As a result, He’s able to view the past, the present and future all simultaneously.

In effect, he doesn’t experience time. So, he can see all, and is in a position to share with us all that is good. While helping us avoid all that is evil.

In essence, protecting and guiding us as would our human father. Every plan, commandment and story God has revealed to us, is put into place for one reason. To purify us enough to be able to unite with Him in the Divine.

Sin, evil and temptation are forever present. Calling us to rebel against the good. Therefore, separating us from Christ. In fact, manipulating us and hiding the truth.

As we move forward, remember, God didn’t create evil. Evil goes against His divine nature. Sin and evil are allowed into the world because of The Fall of Adam (man).

So, as you view Ephesians 5, understand that sin and your refusal to be obedient to “The Father” (in some way) is allowing evil to enter and corrupt your marriage.

He asks us to follow Him, and accept Him into every facet of our lives to protect us from evil. Protecting us because we’re unable to see the dangers ahead. Just as our human fathers would do.

Will you continue to deny God’s fatherly protection? Did you refuse the guidance of your father on earth as you grew, matured and became knowledgeable? The odds are; you didn’t. Because you realized that wouldn’t be smart.

In fact, if married couples in their entirety followed, and put into action these verses; life would be much less complicated.

How Do You Fix The #1 Pain In Your Marriage?

More Importantly, How Do You Improve It Fast?

Take The Holy Lover Test Now!

I present to you Ephesians 5 (21-33) offering some clarity

(21) Wives and husbands be subordinated to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Isn’t if funny. In society you never hear this verse quoted. But out of the 13 verses this verse is the most telling of what Christ is asking.
If both spouses are subordinate or submit to each other out of love, respect, obedience and reverence for Christ, how can either encounter total domination?

(22) Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.

Without Ephesians 5 wives and husbands can have a gothic marriage minus rose on vines and silver wedding rings — Ephesians 5 (21-33) Forming A More Perfect Union

You must understand that St. Paul starts with the complete responsibility of both spouses acting as one in verse 21.
In being married remember that you and your spouse are no longer individuals, with separate bodies and minds. But, are one flesh acting only together as one.
So, now in verse 22, St. Paul instructs each spouse in a more direct manner what they are expected to do individually in order to accomplish total and complete oneness with each other.
In each family the husband is the head, but the wife is the heart. These two cannot and must not be in conflict.

(23) For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the Church, He Himself the savior of the body.

Remember, that Christ is not only the head of the Church, but also he came from Heaven incarnate to save the Church as well.
Understand that Christ is the groom and the Church is his bride.
And in this context what did Our Lord do? He gave himself, sacrificed himself for the Church; the communion of the body.
Here husbands are commanded to love, govern, protect and give up his entire life for his wife. As she is his bride as the Church is Christs bride. You see?

(24) As the Church is subordinate to Christ, wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.

Ok, submit, subordinate, subject to; all mean the same. But what is the exact meaning of these three ideas?
Here wives are asked to submit to their husbands, but only as long as they are on the mission of Christ and his Church.
Remember verse 21 and 22, submit to each other “In reverence to Christ”, “As to the Lord”.
If the husband is always following Christ and His Church, the wife is obligated to follow and lead the family in this direction as well.
Why? Because you love The Father and if you love him you must keep and do as he asks.

(25) Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and handed himself over for her.

(26) To sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word,

(27) That he might present to himself the Church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

What is your number one responsibility as a husband? To make sure your wife becomes Holy, a saint and to make sure her soul is accepted into Heaven. Big responsibility huh?
This is why you must above all things, sacrifice your life little by little, day by day. Only then will you have accomplished your mission.
Sacrifice your one and only life so that your precious wife, shall be purified, cleansed and spotless before God. Because you gave yourself for her.
Then and only then will she become the woman that you need. The woman that God created her to be.
For this The Father will forever reward you.

28) So also, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

(29) For no one hates his own flesh, but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church,

Again, St. Paul aggressively defines the role of the husband, to be clear that a husband cannot abuse his privilege (his wife, his partner, made from him, without whom he would be incomplete).
Again, we must refer back to the first verse 21, the foundation of this whole passage. Husbands and wives must submit to each other. Wives are our partners not doormats. As the opposite holds true for wives. The husband is not to be manipulated or abused in any way. Decisions must be made as partners.
How beautiful is this? But when we disobey God and go our own way, turn our backs on him, evil (sin) is allowed to enter the marriage. From this; chaos, abuse and selfishness ensues.

(30) because we are members of his body.

(31) For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

(32) This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the Church.

No relationship on earth is more important than your marriage. All other relationships (mother, father, children, friends) should pale in comparison.
Again, marriage takes three: Husband, wife, The Father.
Without your wife, your marriage, do you in actuality have a family? I would argue you don’t.
As stated, this is a mystery. We must trust in The Father, and let him lead us. While giving our obedience free and without doubt. Ah, faith, that beautiful, magnificent gift.

(33) In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband.

To repeat, St Paul has led us starting with verse 21. Instructing us in the ultimate purpose of this passage. Husbands and wives should in the end serve, submit, care for and sacrifice for each other. Just as Christ showed us.
He told the wife what she must do. He instructed the husband in what he must do.
And, in the end, he directs both on the ultimate purpose and actions to be completed.

Confirmation From St. Pope John Paul II

In his Apostolic Exhortation: Familiaris Consortio he writes:

Authentic conjugal love presupposes and requires that a man have a profound respect for the equal dignity of his wife:
“You are not her master,” writes St. Ambrose, “but her husband; she was not given to you to be your slave, but your wife… Reciprocate her attentiveness to you and be grateful to her for her love.”
With his wife, a man should live a very special form of personal friendship.
As for the Christian, he is called upon to develop a new attitude of love, manifesting toward his wife a charity that is both gentle and strong like that which Christ has for his Church.

There you have it. God, a saint and a pope (who has become a saint) telling you with as much love and care they can muster, to follow the plan. What else do you need?

A Final Word On Ephesians 5 (21-33)

I ask, when has God ever been wrong? It’s a tragedy how married couples get themselves into trouble. They act as if they don’t know any better. In fact, screwing up their marriage and family, by turning their backs on the Almighty and allowing in evil.

Then, expect Christ to run in and save the day. This is utter ridiculousness. How about this suggestion. Let’s follow the plan laid out in Ephesians 5 (21-33).

However, we are human, and will fail at times. But, isn’t this better than neglecting his help from the beginning? Isn’t this better than having a total collapse of our lives? Sure it is.

My humble advice? Turn to Him now to prevent greater challenges in the future. It seems to work for me.

Summary

In This Article: How We've Rocked It!

Ephesians 5 (21-33) one of the most controversial passages in the bible concerning marriage, explained and demythed.
And, how the verses really apply to marriage.
Also, how the Christian faith is tons more than a list of rules, and how if embraced is designed to lead you on a path to happiness, fulfillment and peace?
We learned what submit, subordinate or subject to actually means. Instead of what the interpretation of the ignorant believes it means, concerning wives and marriage?
We learned what the Father is in reality asking of us, as Christian husbands.
And, why Christ's example of masculinity, must be your course!

And your marriage? Your children's marriages? Are they following this timeless advice?

Or do they mirror the millions of disasters that have plagued our society, and families for decades?

What are your thoughts?

What's Coming Next?

In My Next Article We'll Focus On:

Exploring your inner happiness and how to rise from the plague of selfishness.
Understanding why you must sacrifice for your marriage in order to gain the dreams you've always wanted.
In a previous article (here) I spoke on the many causes of intimacy problems in a marriage. Now I'll start focusing on solutions to some of those issues.
Selfishness in marriage and how it will infect your marriage and cause it to fade away slowly and surely.
Realize the one priority you must always do for your wife so she feels you care.
And Much More!