The philosophy of a Holy Lover:
To be an infallible lover, the first thing you must recognize that sex is, and must always be holy. It must make you holy. It must make your beloved holy. It must lead you to Him who is holy."
Gregory J. Popcak, Ph.D. ~ Catholic Marriage Therapist and Author
Part Three Making Love Mastery Video
Quick Holy Lover Recap
Of Part Two
Holiness, perfection, sainthood, must be our goal. Or our life; this test; defies meaning. Where, to what end, are you leading your Beloved; your children?
Pursuing Holy Lover status ( Becoming the husband your wife needs; As well as, the man God created you to be) will place you on the road to the above. But distraction, selfishness, and the absence of Our Lord, must be removed (Yes?)
In part two, we listed the second category of Holy Lover Gifts (The Art Of Manliness-12 Gifts). Click here if you haven't read it.
Now, let's get busy ripping into category three, "Making Love Mastery". Ok, time to focus. The total fulfillment of your Beloved is at stake!
Category Three
Making Love Mastery
Lovemaking is an art; a gift from the Father of His Divine Love for the married couple. For this reason, abusing it, or treating it as merely, another daily action, you do to relieve yourself of stresses; will not work in the long run.
This gift the Father has given you, is your greatest power. In fact, your superpower. Although, with this power, comes great responsibility. As with Superman or Spiderman, you must understand your superpower. So you may use your special gift, in proper fashion. As well as, in the best interest of others.
Now, what are those interests? First, to further the creation of man. Next, be an example other men can follow (by building a legendary marriage). Last, to love your Beloved so deep as to become one flesh, in service of your family!
These interests benefit something greater than yourself, which is the mission of every husband. In essence, to give his life away a little each day.
Right now, your arrogance is itching at you. What can he tell me about sex with my wife? This my friend is evil knocking at your door. Its mission; your failure. Why? Because you are learning goodness, holiness; the gift of sacrifice.
The Evil One knows marriage is the heart of the universe. Without marriage, Gods mission of reuniting all of His children with Him in Heaven, requires much more suffering.
Again, I must get you to realize, every action, every decision you make in this life means something in time. This includes, the Father’s plan for His Church.
Those last two statements, can be hard to accept because we are broken. You aren’t a banker, a janitor, a business man, a doctor, an entrepreneur, a professor, a teacher, a criminal. You are a Christian Soldier, a man of God.
YOU ARE IMPORTANT. FURTHERMORE, YOUR ACTIONS, DECISIONS, INFLUENCE YOUR ENVIRONMENT. AS WELL AS, GODS PLAN FOR THE UNIVERSE AND HIS CHURCH!
Accept it, embrace it, live up to the honor, you’ve been given. This realization, has to muster up at least a little emotion? You now have purpose; a mission. So, let’s get it on!
Lovemaking Mastery; the gifts!
Gift Twenty-One
A Holy Lover understands, he must at all times sacrifice his wants and desires for that of his Beloved, during the Holy Caress!
You are the giver. She is the receiver. Givers give with joyous giving. Your Beloved has a grand gift, she’s offering you. Indeed, you must realize the importance of this offering.
In essence, she is offering you a doorway into her soul; her union with you and the Father. She’s offering you her complete and total self. She is laying it all on the line for you; her Beloved husband. She is yours; you are hers; now and forever.
More important, each time you and your Beloved, engage in the Holy Caress. You are renewing your sacred and holy vows, as on your wedding day.
Try to keep this thought, in the forefront of your mind. This memory will serve you well.
How do you sacrifice your wants and desires in service of your Beloved? First, you end your pleasure seeking attitude at once. Which means, complete focus on her at all times. Number one rule; you never under any circumstances, Lose Your Cool (ejaculate) before your Beloved has climaxed at least once.
This standard is the minimum. Your Beloved needs many more than one. In fact, 10 or more isn’t unusual. Resulting in her complete satisfaction. Which I call the Gift Of Ten. And guess who’s the only one, who can show her love as I’m describing? Yep, you!
To understand more on this subject. Download my FREE Special Report: The Sexless Marriage Manifesto.
Gift Twenty-Two
A Holy Lover understands his Beloved’s monthly cycle. As well as, how her body works, and responds to the marital embrace, during different times of the month.
This knowledge is vital. You ought to have an accurate idea, when your wife’s menstrual cycle is approaching.
Why is this information important? Because, your wife’s genitalia is more receptive or more tender, to the marital embrace. Depending on what stage her monthly cycle is in.
This may seem unnecessary. But it’s not. She will approach you different. She will allow different penetration depths. These are few of many details, you as a Holy Lover should understand.
This intimate conversation is important to have. The insight is powerful, and a must. Or you will blame her for things, such as rejection, or not being in the mood. And this isn’t the case.
Things need to proceed a little different. And if you don’t understand this, you can make a mistake. Thereby, blaming her for something that’s out of her control.
Gift Twenty-Three
A Holy Lover does not whine or pout, when his Beloved is unable to make love.
Why? Because in many cases, the problem originates from something you did or didn’t do.
Is she sick? Is she on her monthly cycle? Does she hurt physically? Have you been making love to her outside the bedroom? Have you been engaging in meaningful communication? Does she feel close to you?
During such an occasion, is prime time to realize your duty, when it comes to chastity in marriage. The solution? Change your mindset, to romance and building closeness.
These are grand times to do more holding, touching, kissing, and caressing. Doing more favors for each other. Engage in deeper conversation. Why?
Because the Holy Caress doesn’t start in the bedroom. Making one flesh love, starts outside the bedroom.
So, when you’re unable to have sex, is an opportunity for you to focus more on serving. So, when you can make love again, the anticipation is so great and passionate, you almost can’t control the thought.
This my brother, is love, this is sacrifice, this is friendship set on fire!
Gift Twenty-Four
A Holy Lover understands it takes three to make love. You, your Beloved, and God (The Divine Lover).
The principles I’ve pointed out to you in this article, can’t be done, without the grace given to you by God. These tasks are tough. Completing them won’t be easy. Not to mention, being able to finish and grasp, all of them. While incorporating each, into your Holy Union.
See, many husbands fail here. The Father gives us special graces, just for being married. Understand, marriage is a sacrament. And including Him in all areas of your life (especially your marriage and sex life) is a recipe for success.
Remember, you can’t even breathe without the Father’s help. So why not trust Him with everything? I do!
Gift Twenty-Five
A Holy Lover must recognize; he is duty bound to give his Beloved the gift of at least one orgasm, during the Holy Caress.
Notice, I didn’t say if you want to. I said, duty bound! Why? Because your Beloved is a human person. She’s your helpmate, your battle partner. She isn’t a robot or inanimate object. She feels pain, has emotions, and intellect. You must guard against treating her as an object, only for your pleasure.
Secondly, according to the Catholic Church. Saint Pope John Paul II, backs up my statement. As a husband, you must make sure, your Beloved experiences at least a single climax. Nuff Said!
Gift Twenty-Six
A Holy Lover understands his wife’s phases, leading up to complete sexual fulfillment.
I will admit, this one is complicated. I would need an entire article or two, to cover even half. But the short version is during lovemaking, your Beloved experiences phases. Each phase builds upon itself for her total sexual fulfillment (ex: intimacy outside the bedroom, foreplay, her initial rise etc.)
You must remain in control, throughout each phase until completion. Which means, you mustn’t Lose Your Cool.
This gift is also complicated, in that total sexual fulfillment isn’t something you can accomplish in one session. Her complete fulfillment will take at least one year; most likely two. Why?
Because of what’s called her inhibitions. Her transference from her old self to her new self. Like I said, complicated!
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Gift Twenty-Seven
A Holy Lover is not a premature ejaculator.
What is a premature ejaculator? Let’s define this term.
A premature ejaculator is a husband that Loses His Cool (ejaculates) before his Beloved is in complete satisfaction. Again, I didn’t say one orgasm. I said, satisfied.
Why? Because, your wife needs many more orgasms than one for fulfillment. And, if you get in the habit of denying her this gift, she will begin to suspect; you don’t care; you don’t love her; that you aren’t close. Which spells trouble, for your marriage, trust, and vulnerability.
Now for her, this isn’t conscious. It’s unconscious. Which means, she’s not aware of what’s happening. But her actions, her emotions, provide the clues.
Gift Twenty-Eight
A Holy Lover isn’t impotent.
Impotency (erectile dysfunction) means a husband can’t conjure up or maintain, an erection.
No matter what women imagine. They need their husbands. Hence, sexual problems are an important indication of why. Without our ability to maintain an erection, the marital embrace becomes difficult. This in turn means, no closeness, no one flesh.
Sometimes this issue is mental. But more often, the problem is physical. Which can be conquered. In my course (INFLAMED! Sex Power; Food, Sex, And You!) I cover the beginning steps, showing how to make sure this doesn’t happen to you. As well as, how to start ridding your bedroom of this enemy.
Gift Twenty-Nine
A Holy Lover recognizes the difference between eroticism and intimacy.
Quite simple, eroticism is lust. Eroticism gives you all the pleasure of intimacy, but with one difference. The pleasure doesn’t last! It’s like drinking a cup of coffee. Your heart rate rises for an hour or so, then the high fizzles out.
Same with eroticism. It has no basis in love. In fact, society pushes eroticism hard. Why? Because our culture is based on selfishness. We aren’t going to take the time to build real intimacy. That’s a foreign concept.
Eroticism and lust, are a favorite pastime of the Evil One. If he can manipulate you into engaging in contraception, sex outside of marriage, masturbation, pornography, homosexuality. HE HAS YOUR SOUL!
And guess what? It will be hard for you to get it back!
Eroticism isn’t real love. I refer to eroticism as pseudo love (false, fake, unreal). And if lust is your norm; your marriage will fail. More often; sooner than later.
In contrast, intimacy is different. It builds and builds, and lasts for as long as you cultivate it. Intimacy is of absolute and total goodness. Which means, you include the Father, and let Him guide you.
Why? Because he created you, and only wants the best for you. He has your best interest at heart. He’s even given you a plan, to help you through the maze.
More often than not, we don’t listen. Well, you know, we’re broken!
Gift Thirty
A Holy Lover understands, intimacy outside the bedroom, is just as important as, intimacy inside the bedroom.
I mentioned this earlier. You must cultivate closeness. Wives crave closeness. No closeness; no intimacy; no sex. Sorry; the way of the world.
You can try to dip and dodge, your way around building closeness. As a result, you will damage your credibility. And one flesh, will become almost, impossible.
Gift Thirty-One
A Holy Lover, never Loses His Cool, until his Beloved has experienced all the orgasms she needs for unmitigated sexual satisfaction (usually 10).
Notice, I didn’t say wants. I said needs. Why? Because this was my big mistake in my marriage. I deemed, climaxes for my wife was something she wanted (which is sort of true).
In sharp contrast, I discovered orgasms aren’t necessarily what she wants. But something she needs, to sense security, happiness, and absolute love from you, her Beloved husband.
Gift Thirty-Two
A Holy Lover must become a master of lovemaking, in service of his Beloved and the Father.
I covered this in the introduction to this category. So, I won’t go much further. But what I will say is, take this very serious. It’s not a game, or something I just made up. Above all, I don’t advocate this for your ego. But to help you realize, you have much more power and influence, in your marriage than you think.
Many husbands get little feedback, concerning their love making. Usually, because they’re intimidated, and don’t want to ask their Beloved’s insight. Or worse yet, receive unfavorable results.
This is a huge mistake! And, a bit cowardice. It’s so funny. We can talk to our buddies regarding sex, and all kinds of stuff.
But we can’t even say the word, in a serious discussion, to the person who can help us the most; Our Beloved wife. How unfortunate.
Gift Thirty-Three
A Holy Lover must understand the female orgasm, in service of his Beloved.
The female orgasm, is somewhat complicated. Therefore, if you don’t verse yourself in the intricacies of your Beloved. You will disappoint her. Not on one occasion, but her disappointment can become a regular occurrence. Trust me, you don’t want this headache.
Some questions you should present to yourself, is as follows.
How long does it take her to climax the first time during lovemaking?
Is one enough for her needs. Or does she need 5, 10, 20, or more for total satisfaction?
What are the many ways she can reach climax?
How can I tell if she has climaxed?
How can I tell when she is close to climax?
Have I indeed, placed her needs first?
I’ve given you a few. However, many more need consideration. Put your mind to work. Again, learn her mysteries. We’re talking about your wife; the mother of your children. Does she deserve any less?
As I’ve said earlier. You must become laser focused, with reckless abandonment on your Beloved.
Summary
Many husbands don’t have the staying power, the perseverance, the courage to become a Holy Lover. However, I believe most do. We just need direction and awareness that we do have a problem or potential problem.
My goal for you, is to place your marriage on a maintenance plan. To cheerfully bestow upon your Beloved, the gifts of a Holy Lover.
Over time, add new gifts as you become comfortable with the previous. I will not lie. This work is difficult and complicated. But if you love your wife, are devoted, and desire to be True Man. You can become the ultimate; Holy Lover.
The categories; Prayer Warfare; The Art Of Manliness; and Lovemaking Mastery; can’t be neglected for one over the other. As you’ve seen in this article, each works off of and compliments, the other. Neglect one, and you might as well neglect them all.
Are you willing to put in the work? Are you the man for the mission? Can you become the husband, the Father is calling you to be?
Can you become a Holy Lover? Become something greater than your current self?
She’s waiting on you. Your Beloved, the mother of your children. Your helpmate, your battle partner! She’s waiting on you, to rescue her; from you. Once you chisel the rough edges from yourself; this will encourage her to become the wife you need her to be.
Finally, again, I ask you to instill passion; instill splendor; inspire holiness. Refuse to fail; become a Holy Lover.
In This Article: How We've Rocked It!
- You have been challenged with a great task; to become A Holy Lover.
- You learned what is needed to get you on the path to becoming the man God is calling you to be.
- As well as, how to become the husband your wife needs.
- You've also learned how men have been robbed of their masculinity, and how we need it to help us be True Man.
- Finally, Prayer Warfare, The Art Of Manliness, Making Love Mastery, are integral parts of the whole. Each of them, requires the other to survive.
Will your marriage survive the next six months; year; 10 years; 50 years? Only you my friend, can answer. DO YOU HAVE A PLAN?
What's Coming Next?
In My Upcoming Article We'll Focus On:
- Selfishness in marriage and how you can avoid letting it degrade your own holy union.
- This is one of the main tests of a Holy Lover. Without this concept none of the others will fall in line.
- Learn how to conquer this in your marriage, and get on the right path to getting and keeping your marriage ever moving toward the Father.
- And last, learn the one thing that if done will propel your marriage further than you ever imagined.
