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How to save a failing marriage: Your suffering has meaning!
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and handed himself over for her.
To sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word,
That he might present to himself the Church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish..”
~Ephesians 5 (verses 25-27)
How To Save A Failing Marriage?
How is your marriage holding up? How about your family? Could it be better?
Consider the 20-Minute Marriage Makeover Challenge!
5 (less than) 20-minute (do it yourself) videos, to help you discover ...
- What your wife and children need from you as their spiritual leader in the home.
- What God is truly asking of you as a man, husband and father. Which gives you true purpose.
- The true meaning of intimacy in marriage. What your wife needs from you, and how this knowledge can enhance lovemaking and closeness with God.
Your Next Step Starts Here...
Holy Lover: The Art Of Manliness - Gift Fourteen
What is a Holy Lover?
- You becoming the husband your Wife needs.
- You becoming the man God created you to be.
Holy Lover: Gift Fourteen
A Holy Lover must suffer, sacrifice, and give his life away a little each day, for his Beloved.
In society, what is a major cause for the failure of marriage and family?
If you didn’t suppose the cowardice of men. You got it wrong! In every facet of society, men have become the Wusses Of The West (As I like to say.)
Furthermore, with our technology, we reason we’re so advanced. But sadly, we’ve regressed. We’ve abandoned God, our women, and our children, for so called greener grass.
Moreover, we sacrifice for nothing of real importance. Sure, we pursue a career, and that’s sacrifice. But that should be a low priority sacrifice. Not our main goal.
Why? Because materialism, great education, great schools, nice cars, and homes; beautiful clothes, tons of money, and careers; are fleeting.
Nonetheless, what good is all that, if when you die, and return to dirt, your soul is lost to the Evil One?
Not to mention, you allowed the diabolical to infiltrate your family. And now that you’re gone, your Beloved and your family, are left unprotected. Because you neglected their souls, in lieu of modernism and materialism.
As I’ve said in the past, if your marriage is terrible, mediocre, lackluster, boring, or bad. It’s because of your lack of sacrifice. Your unwillingness to man up, and fight the diabolical fight, against the evil surrounding you.
Do you indeed believe there’s no Devil? Do you actually believe, there’s no battle between good and evil over your soul. As well as, the souls of your wife and children?
Well guess what, Satan has done his job. And you’re now his pawn, and a slave to your passions (money, technology, games, pleasures).
Whether you realize it or not, you are ultimately responsible for the success or failure of your marriage. Besides, to deny this, or refuse this responsibility, is pure cowardice.
So, how do we turn your marriage around? How do we get your union, on the track towards holiness? How do we encourage your wife to be the wife you need?
Well, we do as Christ did for His Bride (the Church). We enter the spiritual battle. We man up. We begin suffering as He did. We take responsibility for everything in our environment, and in our marriage, and in our family.
We mortify ourselves. In addition, give our life away for the benefit of our marriage; our Beloved. So that our marriage becomes great, and an example for others to follow.
In essence, we die for our Bride, just as Christ died for His. Now, how do we do this?
Well, read on my fellow Christian Soldier. Below, are the top nine ways to suffer and sacrifice for the benefit of your Beloved.
In fact, to help her in her purity; her holiness.
To repeat, embrace this responsibility. The longevity of your marriage, depends on your willingness to sacrifice!
How To Save A Failing Marriage?
How is your marriage holding up? How about your family? Could it be better?
Consider the 20-Minute Marriage Makeover Challenge!
5 (less than) 20-minute (do it yourself) videos, to help you discover ...
- What your wife and children need from you as their spiritual leader in the home.
- What God is truly asking of you as a man, husband and father. Which gives you true purpose.
- The true meaning of intimacy in marriage. What your wife needs from you, and how this knowledge can enhance lovemaking and closeness with God.
Your Next Step Starts Here...
The Top 9 Ways To Suffer And Sacrifice For Your Beloved
How to save a failing marriage: The regret
When it is all over you will not regret having suffered; rather you will regret having suffered so little, and suffered that little so badly.'
~St. Sebastian Valfre
Brother, prayer is where it begins and ends.
Many don’t understand prayer is sacrifice. Moreover, prayer is hard, difficult, and a real task, to make a habit.
For this reason, the definition of love in the Catholic Church is, “Willing the good of another.”
That is not how you feel about someone, but how strong your will is for their betterment, their holiness.
Although, God rewards prayer with grace. Humility, obedience, commitment, loyalty, suffering; these are what true love consists of. Further, what the Father has deemed necessary for holiness, and why He sent Christ to die for us.
As a man, you’re inserted as Christ in your family. You are called to mortify yourself. Above all, sacrifice everything, and yes suffer if need be, for the well-being of your wife.
Realize, this idea is very powerful. And if you understand it, and put it into action, your marriage will prosper. In fact, mediocrity will be an enemy of the past.
All the saints understood this. Life isn’t about pleasure. Life is about suffering. Then uniting that suffering with the will of Christ.
Understand, prayer is first and foremost. And to add to that the other seven sacrifices stem from prayer as well.
Realize, just as pride is the root for all sin. Prayer is the root for holiness!
How to save a failing marriage: The love for suffering.
In suffering love and in loving, suffer!
~Blessed Maria Lopez of Jesus
Confession hurts! I too shunned it. But we must ask the question, “How can you lead and instruct your family, with sin, pain, shame, and guilt, on your mind and heart?”
Satan realizes, the quickest entry into the home, hearts, and minds of a family, is to get rid of the man. Once the protector is subdued; everyone else is putty.
Further, how can you tell your children not to have sex, not to ingest drugs; Not to kill, rape, or maim, when you have done similar?
The answer is; You can’t!
This way of thinking has infected society. In fact, millions of parents refuse to correct their children on anything of significance.
Why? Because in their past, they’ve taken cocaine, shacked up for sex, or worst, aborted a baby in the womb (for example).
So, what do they do when their children step out of bounds? They rationalize, “Well I did it! How can I come down hard on them when I did the same thing when I was young?”
In fact, I’ve heard this statement flow from my own mothers lips.
Then what happens next, the parents refuse to admonish them. Or they correct them and try to persuade otherwise. But the correcting parent senses, his pleas have no weight, because of past guilt.
It’s uncanny, the father is right. He’s accurate because, he’s forgotten or refused his faith.
You see, parents in this predicament refuse to seek the only forgiveness that really matters. The lone forgiveness that relieves the weight; the pain, from their shoulders.
For this reason, God has given us the sacrament of Confession.
Understand, guilt is powerful. Shame is powerful. Fear is powerful. Moreover, the Evil One feeds off these principles.
He encourages you to reject Confession. To allow the immorality and lack of virtue, to cloud your heart and intellect. We then become numb to sin, and to the effects of the diabolical.
Moreover, evil infiltrates our marriage and family. The doorway? Husbands!
In a more practical sense, when we neglect Confession, we become weak. We become unable to fight the battle for our families.
Satan realizes, the quickest entry into the home, hearts, and minds of a family, is to get rid of the man. Once the protector is subdued; everyone else is putty.
In short, morality shouldn’t only be considered in times of comfort. To the contrary, virtue and morality, tests a man; when times are tough. It’s called character.
Men are just that; human. We’re imperfect (although called to seek perfection by Christ) this takes time.
As a result, we will make mistakes, commit sin, wrong others. But the remarkable thing? God understands this. He knows we will commit immorality. And once done, we’ll need an avenue to remove the guilt and shame, from our souls.
And yet, Confession gives us a new start. It consoles, “My son, you are forgiven.”
“Now go out and try again.”
“Instruct your children, without the shame of your past deeds.”
“Gain strength through Me, to lead your marriage, wife, and family to holiness.”
“Be a man, not just for yourself, but for Me!”
Understand, nothing you do (prayer, good works, sacrifice, suffering) merits any good in the eyes of God, if your soul is in mortal sin.
Do not listen to the world! Do not listen to the Judas Iscariot’s in the Church (Who try to deny and comfort you, to the untruth of this teaching.) They are being influenced by the diabolical.
To be clear, they are cowards, who place their comfort and feelings above you (their brother, and God).
Again, Confession will hurt! It’s why it’s called sacrifice and suffering. You must embrace this, for the benefit of your marriage.
During times such as these, you cannot consider your feelings. As your feelings, will encourage you to forgo this great grace.
Above all else, you must fight this inner battle! And you must win!
Sure, in this realm, Satan has the advantage. But you have Christ; lean on Him!
You must defend and protect your family. And the only way you can accomplish this feat, is to sacrifice your pride and ego.
Next, find the nearest priest; remove the shame, guilt, and offense of the Father, from your heart.
Then and only then, can you do an adequate job of defense, protection, and service!
How to save a failing marriage: Learn to suffer.
If you really want to love Jesus, first learn to suffer, because suffering teaches you to love."
~St. Gemma Galgani
Allow me to state this, as plain as I can. The Rosary changed my life. It changed my marriage. And, it changed my inner spiritual self.
For this reason, I suggest you allow the Blessed Mother, to inflict her power upon you through her Son.
This devotion, is your number one battle weapon as a husband. Remember, the Blessed Mother will crush the head of the serpent!
Each day, dawn the Rosary to protect your home. To protect your marriage. To protect your children. To protect yourself.
Christ cannot, and will not refuse His mother. So, when you ask her, Christ will grant what you need through her.
Understand, the Blessed Mother always leads back to Christ. Refuse to allow the diabolical, to seize your marriage.
Look, I can only suggest to you the truth. But, it’s up to you to do what’s necessary.
Many husbands and fathers are ignorant to spiritual warfare. For this reason, I’m informing you of the enemies presence in your environment.
Now that you know, you have no excuse to neglect this fight.
The Rosary is powerful. Use it!
Pray the Rosary, as if an assault rifle were in your hands. And enemy combatants, surround your home.
This imagery is how important the Rosary is, for the safeguarding of your marriage and family.
Spiritual warfare is no joke. Moreover, your marriage is the number one target. Open your eyes. The threat is eminent and immediate!
Again, the Rosary is powerful; Use it!
Start out small. Use baby steps:
- Find instructions on the internet on how to pray the Rosary.
- Buy a Rosary.
- Have your Rosary blessed by a Priest.
- Start with one decade of the Rosary for 30 days.
- After 30 days; begin two decades, then three and so forth.
- Before you realize, you’ll be praying it daily!
By the way, this is how I began. And I now embrace this weapon multiple times daily! You can do this!
How to save a failing marriage: You were made for greatness!
If God gives you an abundant harvest of trials, it is a sign of great holiness which He desires you to attain. Do you want to become a great saint? Ask God to send you many sufferings.
~Saint Ignatius of Loyola
As men, we cannot allow ourselves to become soft, effeminate and emasculated. While allowing our only goal in life, to be the pursuit of pleasure.
Why? Simply, because we aren’t made for the pursuit of pleasure. We are built for suffering; for sacrifice; for greatness! For this reason, the Catholic faith is very difficult to live.
God created us to lead our wives, children, and the world, back to Him.
Seldom do we accomplish this, through anything other than sacrifice. Sacrifice of your time, your will, your body, and your life!
Now, what is one of the best ways to deny pleasure and weakness? Fasting!
Not to only fast, but too fast for the intentions, benefit, and purity of someone other than yourself.
The two-main causes requiring your sacrifice of fasting, are one; God. Two; Your Beloved!
If you aren’t doing this at least monthly, you’re not doing your job as a man.
It’s vital that you realize your holiness protects and defends your family against the constant onslaught of bad luck, and evil, thrust upon your marriage.
To repeat, if your marriage is in the toilet, I guarantee your failure to offer yourself up for sacrifice, is the primary reason why!
Accordingly, it’s your responsibility, to give yourself away for your bride; for God. And in return, the Father will bestow as a reward many graces. These graces will encompass your home. More important, your marriage.
Remember your #1 mission, is to get your wife to heaven. And this magnificent feat, can only occur, by your willingness to sacrifice for her.
Again, if your marriage is boring, lackluster, passionless, terrible, or mediocre. You only have yourself to blame!
Christs Church blossomed into greatness, because He (God) offered Himself over for slaughter.
Christian Soldier, He is your example. Follow His lead, for the marriage you need!
I plead with you, develop a fasting habit. Not for yourself, not because it feels good. But for the soul of your wife. So you can become hard, tough, a warrior for Christ, when called upon!
I shout, to love God, and display complete love for your Beloved; You must die to self!
How to save a failing marriage: The reward.
You will be consoled according to the greatness of your sorrow and affliction; the greater the suffering, the greater will be the reward.
~St. Mary Magdalen de'Pazzi
You want to become holy? Spend time in front of the Blessed Sacrament daily!
As men, we have many pressures. We take on many responsibilities. We need quiet!
But, not just any quiet. We need the quiet and peace that comes from spending time with Our Lord, in Adoration.
This again, is sacrifice. Especially, if you suffer from anxiety, frustration, anger, and emptiness in your soul. This time before Our Lord, will heal these.
Furthermore, you’ll experience peace, clear mind, and a sense of direction. Your marriage, and family, will benefit from your sacrifice.
As Fr. Larry Richards proclaims, “Even if you only drop by for 60 seconds, to say hello to God. Or say an “Our Father.”
“This is important.”
Build a relationship with Christ, and He will be more likely, to hear your prayers, when you need Him most. Remember, God resists the proud.
So, when in Adoration, offer this sacrifice up for your wife, or your children, or both, as I do.
You want a great recipe for a magnificent marriage? Spend time with Our Lord. Make it a habit. Attend Adoration.
First, start with fifteen minutes per week. Then, increase as your faith grows.
But your ultimate goal, should consist of one hour per day; seven days per week (or more).
How To Save A Failing Marriage?
How is your marriage holding up? How about your family? Could it be better?
Consider the 20-Minute Marriage Makeover Challenge!
5 (less than) 20-minute (do it yourself) videos, to help you discover ...
- What your wife and children need from you as their spiritual leader in the home.
- What God is truly asking of you as a man, husband and father. Which gives you true purpose.
- The true meaning of intimacy in marriage. What your wife needs from you, and how this knowledge can enhance lovemaking and closeness with God.
Your Next Step Starts Here...
How to save a failing marriage: Love the one who tries your patience.
Always remember to love your neighbor; always prefer the one who tries your patience, who tests your virtue, because with her you can always merit: suffering is Love; the Law is Love.
~Blessed Mary of Jesus Crucified "The Little Arab"
I know, I know, this is a tough one. The time and commitment are rough. For this reason, it’s called suffering.
If sacrifice were easy, everyone would do it. Everyone, would enter heaven. But my brother, the truth is; Many don’t!
Again, you are responsible for your wife’s soul. For this purpose, God made you man; placed you as the head. Because, He realizes, yes; This is hard!
Understand, the Mass is the greatest prayer. And when you celebrate Our Lord in the Holy Mass, for the intentions of another (and for you that is your wife; your marriage; your children) the graces you receive are boundless.
Look, remember, every sacrifice you perform has meaning. If you view it as, offering yourself for something greater. Then, it makes the suffering worthwhile.
Of course, no one wants to suffer. And yes, suffering is difficult. But, so is everything else worthwhile in life.
Daily Mass, is tedious for one reason. It requires the sacrifice of your time. You must rearrange your schedule. You must make time (usually an hour total) every day.
Which means, you’ll most likely, have to sacrifice your lunch break, or some other task that you need throughout the day.
So, view the journey like this. If God is truly first in your life, put your actions where your mouth is. If you want a great marriage, man up. Your wife won’t believe the change.
Moreover, show Our Lord, you’re willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to accomplish this (As He did!)
Now, how do you start?
- Pick one day out the week. This day is your daily Mass day.
- Please, don’t try to do all seven days starting out. Otherwise, you will fail.
- Pick one day. Get in a habit of doing that day. Once that day is a habit, choose another day. Then another.
Before you realize, you’ll go daily, and getting purity from partaking in the Eucharist every day!
How to save a failing marriage: Pure love
Suffering is a great grace; through suffering the soul becomes like the Savior; in suffering love becomes crystallized; the greater the suffering, the purer the love.
~St. Faustina
Although this sacrifice, is in the seventh position. Its importance, ranks among the top two. If I’d put this further up, you may not have read the other seven!
It’s vital you understand, as the Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen understood; It takes three to make love (you, your Beloved; and God).
Little by little, your sex life will suffer (especially over time) if God isn’t the focal point.
When we engage in the marital embrace with our wife, God is pleased. He created sex as an extension of His divine love for us.
Sure, sex can be tainted. Sex can be corrupted. And most times in society these days; It Is!
But with the married couple, the holy caress is beautiful, pure, holy, and sanctioned by the Father.
Sex only becomes unholy when lust (the devil) gets hold of it.
As a husband, remember, you are the server. Your Beloved is the receiver. Each time you embrace, you are renewing your vows before God.
Let’s be real, many men become selfish during the marital act. She isn’t doing this, or she isn’t doing that for me.
Look, if at any time during making love, the words (I or me) enter your mind. You have already failed as a world-class lover, a Holy Lover, a man.
Why? Because you’ve now allowed your ego, to enter your bedroom. The ego is from the diabolical.
The ego is selfish, self-serving. The ego only considers itself, above all.
As a man, a husband, a lover, you can never allow your wishes to dominate the sex conversation, during lovemaking.
Your wife, will not experience fulfillment. She will shy away from you. You will start (although unintentionally) viewing her as an object. Above all, this can never, ever happen!
Many married couple’s sex lives, decline over time. A huge reason why? Men stop remembering, they are responsible for everything in a marriage.
Why? Because God made it so. Again, God charged Adam with everything. I understand this may not be fair. But, it is what it is!
Moreover, you’ll fair better, once you accept your role as head.
For this reason, God didn’t blame Eve for the apple. He blamed Adam. Why? Because no matter how society has devalued men. We’re still held responsible for all things on earth; In the eyes of God (Someone has to be; why not you?)
And our marriage, our wife, her fulfillment, is at the top of the list!
In short, sex is not about you. Sex is about God. Sex is about your Beloved wife.
As the leader; the head, you are charged to protect, to defend, and to serve.
Sorry, in the realm of making love, service is your primary job. Again, my friend; SACRIFICE!
How to save a failing marriage: Mortification!
Love to be real, it must cost—it must hurt—it must empty us of self."
~St. Mother Teresa Of Calcutta
Why? Again, I refer to Ephesians 5 (25-27)
“(25) Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and handed himself over for her.
(26) To sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word,
(27) That he might present to himself the Church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish..”
Isn’t this powerful? Do you understand how miraculous this point is?
God has given you the power, and grace, to affect the purity of your Beloved! Oh, Praise God!
He’s telling you, your suffering has meaning. Moreover, your suffering isn’t empty. It’s filled with the abundance of love, as Christ showed us with His sacrifice for His bride; The Church.
Further, every time you suffer. Every time you sacrifice. Every time you give yourself over to God, for the intentions of your wife, her soul is made a little holier; a little purer. Virtue becomes her forte.
As a result, your wife will change. Which in turn, changes you; your marriage; and the dynamics of your family.
For this reason, I always demand men embrace their masculinity. Because without it, None-Of-This-Works!
How to save a failing marriage: Offer it up!
One must not think that a person who is suffering is not praying.
He is offering up his sufferings to God, and many a time he is praying much more truly than one who goes away by himself,
and meditates his head off, and, if he has squeezed out a few tears, thinks that is prayer.
~St. Teresa of Avila
Ok, this one is gigantic! Why? Because it demands tons of courage from you!
All in all, you must put your ego on the line, in order to foster the most important idea in your marriage; The Truth.
Many men are afraid, or shy away from any conversations that reveal the inner workings of their wife’s soul. Why? Because, the truth hurts!
Besides, the truth forces us to look in the mirror at ourselves. And no one; I mean no one, wants to view themselves in the mirror. Let alone, offer to suffer willingly.
Many men consider, we should only suffer if something in our lives occurs in an instant. Such as a death, or the loss of a job.
But, this is unlike Christ. He volunteered to suffer. Why? Because it was His duty; His mission; His complete love (remember, not a feeling, but an act of His will) for us.
But more important; This is just what men do (courage)!
So, how does this transfer to us mortal men?
Well, to begin with, we must man up, and seek the truth above all else. And the truth starts with God.
Next, our wives. These two entities, understand us better than anyone else.
Most of all, serve; then serve more; and last, serve even more!
So, to serve, we must realize, what our Beloved needs. This means, we must be willing to ask ourselves, and seek the answer to many questions throughout the day.
Thereupon, we don’t become complacent as husbands. As well as, become selfish, and forget why we’re placed on this earth.
Below are questions I consider daily. If the answer I receive back (whether from my own examination, or from my wife) I move to squash the problem; immediately! I Do Not Procrastinate!
- How do I sacrifice for her?
- Am I lofting anything above our relationship?
- Am I seeing to her needs?
- Am I putting her needs above everyone else’s including my own?
- Am I making her feel she is the most important person in my life.
- Why am I her servant, how and why do I serve her?
Understand, these are just a few. But they seem to keep me on my toes. I hope they offer some help to you.
To answer the question, how to save a failing marriage?
Men must start doing things because of duty; not because of how it feels to us.
Suffering for the benefit of another, is courageous; heroic. Moreover, what men are called to do by God.
Of course, society (The Evil One) will steer you towards selfishness, and pleasure, above all other things.
Why does Satan do this? Because, if he can get you to remain effeminate, emasculated, weak and soft, it’s a lot easier to claim your soul. But more drastic, the souls of your wife and children!
Again, men must begin to train their intellects, and wills to endure as Christ did. Otherwise, we are just plain men; nothing special; nothing worthwhile; just another chicken in the coop.
Further, awaiting our next form of manipulation from our electronic device, or television program, or government directive.
Is this really how you want to live your life?
Going along to get along? Void of courage, because you are unwilling to make others uncomfortable, or sacrifice for the truth of God?
Again, in this article I ask; if you aren’t willing to suffer; sacrifice; or give your life away for your Beloved; who on this earth will?
Who will take responsibility, and care for her soul, in this abyss of chaos?
To repeat, as with Adam, God has charged you as the keeper of this realm.
The question is, how will you respond?
With courage or cowardice?
