How to save your marriage when your wife has given up...

Holy Lover Gift #13...which states...

A Holy Lover never ceases to learn every inch, every inner thought, every mystery of his beloved, no matter how long the marriage!

Plain and simple if you have fire, passion, desire, and excitement for your wife...

She eventually succumbs and will have that same or even more, fire, passion, desire, and excitement for you!

I hear it all of the time, oh my wife is not the passionate or exciting type.

No, the sad thing is, her husband is not the passionate, or exciting type.

I have taught for 8 years now, that if a man’s marriage is boring, it is because he is boring.

Think about it, excitement is contagious.

If when you walk in the door your kids run up to you and yell...

Daddy’s home, daddy’s home, I’m so happy to see my daddy.

That is contagious, you then get excited for your kids.

You are a player on a sporting team and are about to play your first game...

Your coach or captain hypes the players up to get them excited...

because they are excited and everyone jumps in and returns the energy!

When we first meet our wives, we are excited to see them each and every day.

We just can’t wait to see them.

And when we do, we are so happy...

and we show excitement for them...

and in return they are very happy and excited to see us too.

Somehow once married, we forget this joy, happiness, and excitement that was so contagious.

Now, it’s only, hi babe...how was your day...what’s for dinner?

I mean if you were a wife, would that excite you or even stimulate you?

Boredom comes with inaction...

boredom comes with a lack of the pursuit of knowledge of a thing or a person...

Boredom comes with a lack of curiosity for the mother of our children, our beloved, the person we have chosen to spend forever with!

Boredom comes from a lack of interesting and pleasurable conversation.

Your Beloved has many mysteries, it is your job as her hero...

to search out and reveal each and every one!

And that starts with curiosity and conversation!

Can you do this?

Are you willing to do this?

Can you muster up enough drive, motivation, and fire, to once again learn the mysteries of your Beloved wife?

Because if you don’t, in the end, you will lose her.

And this will be a sad and sorrowful day.

Remember, she signed up because of the promise you made to her.

To love, honor, and cherish forever.

And the cherish part always seems to get put on the back burner after a year of marriage.

If you don’t embrace anything in this show today...

I beg you to embrace this...

Your wife signed up to be priority #1 in your life...

To be made to feel special each and every day...

To be courted, dated, and swept off of her feet...

In essence, she signed up forever, for your love.

Will you fulfill that promise...

or continue to allow the fire to burnout more and more...

over the coming decades?

Today, I offer you some ideas that will help you get back in the game for the heart of her, the soul of her, the mind of her.

She is waiting, will you disappoint her?

I think not...so, let’s do this!

Tongue Tied: Curiosity And Conversation - Rebuilding Emotional Closeness With Your Beloved!

Be Curious About Your Wife: Learn Her Mysteries!

We must stop treating our wives like she is a 90-year-old married maid...

that has a job she is forced to do every day without any excitement, reward, or connection with her best friend (you her husband).

She will only engage in this type of no reward work...

because of her duty as a wife or mother for a very short time...

before she begins thinking “Hey, I didn’t sign up for this!”

Women want to be courted, treated like a girlfriend, put on a pedestal, made to feel important...

like they are the number one priority in our life!

Yes! They are high maintenance...

and you must treat them as such each day!

Women want validation of your love for them daily.

And you going to work at your job and bringing home the bacon is not it!

You must do the little things for her that she knows you didn’t have to do...

and that you only did them because you care about her and love her deeply and want to make her happy!

First, compile a list of everything about your wife

Hobbies, passions, places she loves to visit, things she loves to do etc.

Don’t assume anything (learn and be curious)

Don’t be lazy, get into her, do your homework, prepare to win!

Realize she is a woman you desire.

A woman you just met and want to court.

You know nothing about her and want badly to know everything.

So, what do you do? YOU LEARN!

Where do you find these things?

Brainstorm your own mind and memory.

Facebook, Instagram, Google, Pinterest, any social media site she may have an account.

Ask her parents, her siblings, children, aunts, uncles, friends, co-workers etc.

A great conversation starter is to just ask her about these things in separate conversations in a non-interview and natural mode.

How To Speak To Your Wife To Build Closeness

How to clearly and concisely ask for what you want from her...

Remember that she is the mother of your children and the woman whom you chose to marry

Ask Without sarcasm

Ask Without attacking her personally

Ask without attacking her authority given by God as your guide and helpmate

Ask without demeaning her

Ask without confronting her in front of the children

Asking her as only a husband can

Soft – tone of voice

Lovingly – tone of voice

Sympathetically

Empathetically

Do this for me because I love you, and you love me

Then her nurturing mechanism will kick in (her need as a woman to defend you, love you, please you, and make you happy)

More important remove all Marriage Killers from your request

Bicker, criticizing her, trying to control her, complaining, correcting her, blaming her, arguing, debating, verbally attacking her, the need to defend yourself.

Ideas Of What You Should Be Learning

Her favorite perfumes

Where she likes to shop for clothes

Does she like massages

Does she like manicures

Does she like pedicures

Does she like going to day spas

Her hobbies

Things she is passionate about

Where she loves to travel to

Dream Vacations: New places she would love to travel to

Her favorite things to do when she gets off of work during the week

Things she loves to do to relax

Her favorite books

Her favorite genre of books

Her favorite authors

What movies she loves

Her favorite movie and television stars

What is her favorite kind of music

Her favorite music artists

Who are her favorite bands?

Her favorite kind of coffee or tea?

Does she drink alcohol, and if so, what are her favorite drinks (bourbon, whiskey, beer, mixed drinks, etc?)

Find out the kinds of sports she likes?

Her favorite board games she likes to play

Her favorite card games she likes to play

Does she like gambling, if so her favorite casino games

Does she like coaching sports, little league, intramural, etc.?

Find out the kind of sports teams she likes (NFL, NHL, MLB, NBA)

Who are favorite sports stars (Magic Johnson, Serena Williams etc.)

Does she like going to music concerts

Does she like going to stage plays in a theatre

Does she like going to comedy shows

Who are her favorite comedians

Find out the kinds of sweets she likes

Find out if they like dogs, cats, birds, horses, etc.?

Find out if she likes horse back riding

Find out if she likes going to the horse track

Does she like NASCAR, Formula One, Indy Car

Does she like going to sports car races (ex: NASCAR)

Do they like playing golf

Does she like going to animal shows (ex: dog or cat shows)

Does she like the rodeo

Find out if she likes going to the circus

Do they like bowling

Does she like going camping

Does she like traveling around in RV’s touring the US

Does she like taking trips on trains (ex: Amtrak)

What are her favorite sites to see (the Grand Canyon etc.)

Find out if she collect art, sports memorabilia, antiques?

Find out if she likes video games, and what kind of games she likes, or have (sports games, hunting games, role playing games, racing games, war games etc.)

Find out if she likes video games, what gaming system does she have (Xbox, Nintendo, PlayStation)

Find out if likes going on cruises

Would she consider going mountain climbing

Would she like to go sky diving

Would she like to take a tour in a helicopter

Find out if she like outdoor activities such as (the shooting range, camping, archery, hiking, mountain climbing, biking, etc.)

Find out if she would consider going to the shooting range learning how to shoot guns

Find out if she would love to change careers to a dream career

Find out if she ever considered joining the military, if so why or why not

Find out what kind of cars are her favorite cars

Find out what her dream cars to own are

Find out if she has a hobby for cars (racing, car shows, antique cars) or would like to go to a show and learn

Find out if she loves cooking or ever had dreams of being a chef

Would she love to own her own business, if so what kind (restaurant, non-profit, car dealership, fitness center)

Find out if they love gardening?

Does she have a curiosity about learning more about her faith?

Her favorite desserts

Her favorite restaurants

Her favorite candy

Her favorite color

Her favorite pie

Her favorite cakes

Her favorite donuts

Her current dreams

Her past dreams

Why did she give up on a dream

Did she ever want to have more than 10 children

Has she ever wanted to move from her hometown and if so where would she love to move to

Has she ever dreamed of being a movie star

Has she ever dreamed of being a rock star

Has she ever dreamed of being a dancer or ballet

The possibilities are endless!!!

Remember you are the leader and your wife tends to move towards what you move to.

Even right now if she isn’t much into you or indifferent, you must realize that if you want interaction and conversation you must ignite it.

Tell your wife about something good or great that has happened. Especially something that will make her laugh.

If you want her to get in the habit of sharing, you must get in the habit of sharing.

Keep the tension away and make the conversation effortless.

Caution, always remember to ask her what she thinks etc.

“How do you want to feel...?”

How do you want to feel this weekend?

How do you want to feel on Christmas?

How do you want to feel on your birthday?

How do you want to feel on this upcoming trip?

This question is about learning how she wants to feel as well as what she wants to do, so that you can plan accordingly.

It’s hard many times to focus on our wife’s feelings and desires. But to her they are all important. To make a connection and make it consistently you must focus on making her feelings come to light. And of course making her laugh is always good!

“I am trying to understand your point of view”

When things are starting to get heated, a very good tension breaker is to let your wife know that you are honestly trying to understand your point of view.

And that you don’t want to argue but to truly work with her and understand what she needs and wants.

This is a good subordinate to the curiosity listening.

Always ask questions to clarify.

This will make her feel you are sincerely trying to listen and understand.

“How can I show up for you this week?”

This is a good add on to the statement “How can I make your day better?”

This is a time to focus on how you can make her week better, easier, and less hectic.

Try your best to forget about yourself. I know you are tired, and have a busy and eventful week yourself.

This is why it’s called sacrifice right?

Remember PUT YOURSELF LAST!

“It meant so much to me when you...”

Oh my! The show of appreciation means everything to women and your wife.

Put it at the top and forefront of your mind and implant it there for eternity.

You can never over do or give enough appreciation. This shows your wife that you are looking at her as your helpmate your guide, you partner in all things.

So, tell her when she does something, anything that shows you are feeling what she is doing. That you completely appreciate what she did.

Even go as far as to buy a small appreciation gift to show her you are no longer taking all that she does for granted!

REFERENCES: NBCNEWS.COM (BETTER BY TODAY)

BAM!

TRANSITION