How to save your marriage when your wife has given up...

Today is gift 23...

Which states: A Holy Lover does not whine or pout, when his Beloved is unable to make love.

Ok fellas...New Rule...

Never again whine or pout about a lack of intimacy in our marriage unless...

We have a solution to the problem...

Or we are willing to at least sit down and have a meaningful conversation...

to help come up with some ways to help solve the problem?

This breeds respect and unselfishness in your wife’s eyes.

First off, we should immediately ask ourselves two analytical questions right off the bat...

#1 - Why can’t she make love?

As husbands it is our duty to understand and keep an eye on our wives’ body, emotional and physical state.

This helps us know when it is good to approach her for intimacy or if she is more likely to approach us.

This can often give us a heads up that something is wrong, which allows us the opportunity to inquire and help her solve it if she desires it.

Question 2...

Why is she unwilling to make love to me?
This takes much humility and the killing of the ego.

Are we able to be truly honest with ourselves and actually look in the mirror at ourselves first before blaming or examining our wife’s faults or problems.

Three - Is she sick?

Is there some physical ailment – headache, stomach, flu, sinus issues, etc.

Empathy is important here.

Four - Is she on her monthly cycle?

Having symptoms of sensitivity in vaginal area?

Is she not in the fertile stage of her cycle?

Is she is not feeling sexy or feminine?

This is why it’s important to at least have some understanding of your wife’s body.

Five - Is she having menopausal symptoms?
Such as hot flashes, vaginal dryness, loss of libido?

Again, a knowledge of her body and an understanding of the effects of menopause are important.

Six - Does she hurt physically?

She may be hurting inside and believe that you will unknowingly hurt her and it will be painful during lovemaking.

This is why it is so important for her to feel she can trust you.

And this only comes through previous conversations about love making.

Seven - Have you been making love to her outside the bedroom?

Have you been romancing her?

Have you been making her feel she is priority #1

Eight - Have you been engaging in meaningful conversation?

Do you sit down and even discuss sex?

Do you only discuss surface things in your marriage?

Nine - Does she feel close to you?

Do you make her feel loved by you?

Do you listen to her without interrupting?

Do you value her opinion?

Do you make love less than once a month?

Ten - Have you been praying for her?

Do you sacrifice your time in prayer, sacrifice, penance, and suffering for her?

Do you actually engage in spiritual warfare for her and your marriage?

Eleven - Have you been serving her?

Doing things without constantly being asked?

Putting her first before anything or anyone but God?

Putting her happiness, wants, desires, and needs before your own?

Twelve - Am I satisfying her sexually (aka – is she having a good time?)

Am I truly a loving, tender, compassionate, knowledgeable, world-class lover?

Or am I hoping, wishing, and praying that I am?

Do I think I have it altogether in this area?

Have I even asked my Beloved this all important question?

Thirteen - Is she mentally distracted for some reason? Is she depressed?

Is she distracted by the children?

Does she have house chores to do?

Does she have to cook?

Stressing at work?

You must be willing to address these issues so she is relaxed.

Begin Part Two – How To Embrace Holiness When Denied Sex

Today we are going to cover how to handle sexual adversity in our marriage...

And how to use this as an opportunity to grow closer to God and our wife.

To in essence, grow in holiness!

I hear it all of the time from men...

Jerry if she denies me sex I have to fulfill my needs someway!

I have to relieve the stress!

And that usually means one of three things or all of them...

Masturbation, pornography, or physical relations with another woman.

None of these are True or Authentic Masculinity.

As a matter of fact they work to strip our masculinity from us.

Our souls, and our physical capabilities as adequate or awesome lovers for God and our Beloved.

Believe it or not men are capable of controlling themselves.

Which is the hallmark of True Masculinity.

Controlling our anger, controlling our passions, controlling our bodies.

If we allow our passions to control us, are we truly men?

Did Christ (who is the ultimate example of masculinity) lose control...

or did he fulfill his mission of complete holiness, suffering, and sacrifice?

Remember that Christ teaches us by example how to be True Man!

This requires suffering and responsibility.

Why?

Because then and only then can we embrace holiness as our wife and children need?

Moreover, reach eternity!

So today we will cover part two of Holy Lover Gift 23 which states...

A Holy Lover does not whine or pout, when his Beloved is unable to make love.

A great question to ask ourselves is how did priests and nuns accomplish this over the last 2000 years?

And the only answer is prayer!

They petition Christ and the Holy Spirit to help them maintain holiness.

Here are just a few solutions to help you relieve sexual frustration, anger, and resentment, when your wife is physically unable to make love...

Or worse is unwilling to make love to you!

One - Adoration And Prayer

Say honey I would like to make love 3 times per week after the kids are asleep.

And if she is able to do it she will, if not she will work with you to help you get it!

Bringing it all together...

Talking about sex and intimacy in our marriage is a very touchy subject.

But it shouldn’t be or doesn’t have to be.

The best thing you can do is remove your ego.

Listen to her and don’t interrupt.

Don’t defend yourself and be at peace with her honesty.

Get knowledge about her body and it reacts to certain situations and certain times of the month.

And remember, the more positive and meaningful discussion you have about intimacy the easier and more relaxed the conversations will be.

And hell, you might even begin to laugh and have a good time with it!

BAM!

TRANSITION