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The Differences Between Sex and Love
Love is primarily in the will, not in the emotions or the glands.
The will is like the voice; the emotions are like the echo.
The pleasure associated with love, or what is today called "sex," is the frosting on the cake; its purpose is to make us love the cake, not ignore it.
The greatest illusion of lovers is to believe that the intensity of their sexual attraction is the guarantee of the perpetuity of their love.
It is because of this failure to distinguish between the glandular and spiritual--or between sex which we have in common with animals, and love which we have in common with God--that marriages are so full of deception.
What some people love is not a person, but the experience of being in love. The first is irreplaceable; the second is not.
As soon as the glands cease to react with their pristine force, couples who
identified emotionalism and love claim they no longer love one another.
If such is the case they never loved the other person in the first place; they only loved being loved, which is the highest form of egotism.
Often Neglected; Often Ignored
Emotional intimacy is often taken for granted. Husbands fail to realize, the marital embrace isn’t a simple action of simple emotions. It takes time and focus. Outside the bedroom as much as inside.
For millennia, men have tried (greatest amount failing) to understand what women are asking, need, and wish in a husband.
The concern? To understand what a woman needs, you must view the problem outside of yourself. No longer can a husband consider his pleasures first. This will only lead to a solution, adapting to the husband’s needs.
The art of love (amorousness) has many facets. And, emotional intimacy is the first hurdle. If you in truth, adore (love) your Beloved, meaning, willing the good, and what’s best for her. Your mission must be, to offer her what she needs in a husband. Not what she believes she wants.
In a marriage, this can often times be difficult. A fact concerning many women? Many times, they don’t indeed understand what they need and want. It changes year to year (sometimes, day to day).
For example; when you and your wife, are engaged in the marital embrace. On certain occasions, kissing her may ignite passion. On another occasion, rubbing her thighs might do the same. However, kissing has no effect whatsoever. And, as a considerate and caring husband, how do we react? We adapt!
Likewise, as with day to day life. If you aren’t showing your wife proper care and affection, outside of the bedroom (emotional intimacy). She will presume (even though, she could be mistaken.) you don’t care as much as in the past. She will feel disconnected from you. In much the same way, as your relationship with the Father.
If you don’t pray, or spend time in adoration, or on your knees to Him. Each day, you will grow further and further apart from Him.
Same with your Beloved. For this reason, your marriage is your number one responsibility above all else (besides prayer). Relationships need a good deal of time. As a husband, you must realize this.
Most women don’t care about, or marry a man for what he possesses (money, fame, possessions, position). They marry him because in some way, he’s proven worthy of her. Sure, it’s subconscious, nevertheless, it’s there. She loves him (feels bonded, connected, close).
This being said, many husbands, once they’ve captured their Beloved’s heart. They become, lazy, aloof, distracted. This my friend is the road to divorce, and dudsville, instead of studsville.
The Deeds of “True Man"
"A Man Of Courage”
Your Beloved needs to sense she is close to you (no excuses!). In other words, you must show her extreme care, affection, and attention, throughout the day.
She isn't a robot. Therefore, can't be turned on by a switch. Many times, we as husbands get upset or frustrated. The most dramatic, when our wives tells us, she doesn't feel up to making-love tonight.
A great deal of time, she will spout the excuse of "I'm tired." Or this hurts or that hurts. Why? Well many times, love-making isn't even on her radar. Considering, altogether, the stuff she now does during the day (that’s another article for another time).
So, what do we do? We expect her to hop in bed. Not to mention, if she is employed. We then expect our Beloved, to just switch it right on, and be a good little wife.
I must say, this assumption is inconsiderate and selfish. Even if your wife musters up the enthusiasm. It will, in most cases, lack the passion and fire, you were expecting.
Question: Although, you may be frustrated with your wife. I must ask, what did you do to prepare her for your love?
Question: Did you hug or hold her, today or yesterday?
Question: Did you phone her and explain how much you love her? More important, why you love her?
Question: Did you pat that butt and get frisky with her?
Tough Questions, I Know
In my experience, a lady needs to sense, she’s close to her husband. This must not be taken for granted (Although, many husbands do.) Emotional intimacy, and the marital embrace are an art. And, to neglect either is a recipe for marital problems now, and in the near future.
In today’s society, many men can’t keep their wives happy (or worse, keep them period).
A case in point. Your Beloved, one day approaches and informs, “She’s leaving, and taking your children.” You as her husband, her best friend, her confidant (so you assumed) have no clue why?
Many men reading this will blame her. I inject, it’s your dam fault!
First question I’d ask this husband, “Right now at this moment, how close do you feel to your wife?” Yep, not real close, I suspect.
Can you understand, the magnitude of a wife’s decision such as this? For her to want to leave you, and take your children, means you are downright, out of touch, with your marriage, your wife, and your situation! More important, God (the Father) is absent. Which shows, your marriage lacks grace and protection.
Awareness of how to make love to your wife, without sexual intimacy (emotional intimacy) is important. Furthermore, this care and consideration, will enhance and intensify your marriage, as well as, your love-making.
Murderer Of Marriage!
I don't mean engage in this merely, when you want sex. I mean this must be done, even when you don't feel like it. Remember, love is an act of the will. And, using your wife with the sole purpose of fulfilling your own pleasure, disrespects her as a human person. It offends her dignity.
She deserves better, correct? For this reason, showing genuine affection and care, on a daily basis (not just when you want love and sex) is vital to an impassioned marriage.
I inquire again. Isn’t it time you stand up and become “True man?” In fact, “A Man Of Courage?” Who does his best, to become his Beloved’s best friend, her confidant, the one she comes to in the middle of the night. If this goal is not your end; your priorities are quite screwed up!
So, below I present to you; Catholic Alpha's: Intimacy Outside The Bedroom (emotional intimacy) Page.
The page designed to help you understand the art of intimacy outside the bedroom, in service of your marriage. Each article is designed and focused on this art.
So, sit in your big chair. Light a cigar. Grab a beer, or pour yourself a smooth glass of Crown Royal.
You're about to explore the possibilities of what your marriage could be; is supposed to be; demanded of you by Christ. In essence, a journey into the soul of your Beloved.
Your adventure starts now!
Intimacy Outside The Bedroom
Articles Focused On Emotional Intimacy And Its Benefits To Sexual Intimacy
"Jerry, thank you so much for lesson one.
"I have just read it for the fifth time!"
"I saw something new each time."
"I finally had to start taking notes, to help me remember"
"I wish there was a way at the bottom of each lesson for me to respond to you.
"I had so many things on my mind that I wanted to discuss."
"Thank you so much for being there. Thank you so much for being out there!"
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