It’s time for the Catholic Alpha Marriage Tactic – A series of marriage tactics that will transform you from zero to hero!

But only if you drop the laziness, aloofness, and pride; and actually do them!

Consider; Is your marriage passionless, lackluster, mediocre, or currently in the toilet? Want to get it back on track (Make It Great?)

Then consider today’s Alpha Marriage Tactic #1! Either listen to me now, or I guarantee; you’ll be looking for me, or someone like me, later!

Alpha Marriage Tactic #1: You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

• Today I want you to consider the description of the man below…
• His name is “Prideful Paul”
• Prideful Paul is a man who won't listen; knows everything. As well as, denies the truth, even when it's presented factually and faithfully.
• He's full of selfishness, and refuses to sacrifice. His ideas, and what he believes, looms above everything, and everyone else. Including the Father!
• He believes he's actually greater than he truly is.
• Again, does this describe you in your marriage?
• You sure? Not even a little bit?
• Understand, this can be one of the top signs a marriage is ending.
• The definition of pride according the Modern Catholic Dictionary (by Fr. John Hardon)
• An inordinate esteem of oneself. It is inordinate because it is contrary to the truth. It is essentially an act or disposition of the will desiring to be considered better than a person really is.
• Pride may be expressed in different ways: by taking personal credit for gifts or possessions, as if they had not been received from God;
• By glorying in achievements, as if they were not primarily the result of divine goodness and grace;
• By minimizing one's defects or claiming qualities that are not actually possessed;
• By holding oneself superior to others or disdaining them because they lack what the proud person has;
• By magnifying the defects of others or dwelling on them.
• When pride is carried to the extent that a person is unwilling to acknowledge dependence on God and refuses to submit his or her will to God or lawful authority, it is a grave sin.
• The gravity arises from the fact that a person shows contempt for God or of those who take his place. Otherwise, pride is said to be imperfect and venially wrong.
• While not all sins are pride, it can lead to all sorts of sins, notably presumption, ambition, vainglory, boasting, hypocrisy, strife, and disobedience.
• Pride strives for perverse excellence. It despises others and, depending on its perversity, even looks down upon God.
• The remedies for pride are a sincere knowledge of oneself, the acceptance of daily humiliations, avoidance of even the least self-complacency, humble acknowledgment of one's faults, and prayerful communion with God.
• Wow!
• A problem with men that has continued to grow over the centuries, is when we think we know something, there is nothing that anyone can do to change our minds!
• Especially, when it comes to something like our marriage, or religion.
• Our usual attitude is - Hey I got this. I know my wife. I know how she thinks, and what she is going to do next!
• Our parents, or our friends, or even our wives themselves try and point things out.
• But what do we do, because we are lazy and aloof, and think we have all the time in the world, we disregard any input from anyone else.
• Even if it’s sound advice.
• Our wife will give us clues about her unhappiness, or concerns with the marriage. But we ignore this.
• Our pride just won’t let us deal with it. Mainly because we just don’t want to face it.
• Hell, we’ve got so many other problems (work, bills, the kids etc) how can we possibly worry about some whiny woman right?
• Well I’m her to tell you. This is the first step to divorce court.
• The problem here is you don’t know what you don’t know!
• I hear people say this a lot when it comes to the Catholic faith…
• Oh, I’ve never heard that teaching before, I’ve never read that before, or I don’t remember learning that in Catholic school.
• See, that is just us not wanting to accept the truth and deal with it.
• Our pride just won’t let us see how things really are.
• Look, just because we have not heard or read or been taught something, doesn’t mean it’s not valid, or true, or doesn’t deserve some consideration.
• This is what marriage tactic #1 is all about…
• We must begin opening our eyes, paying attention, and considering things especially about God and his sacrament of marriage.
• Many times, our marriage has been on the rocks for years until we decide to step, man up, and take action.
• Then we want Jesus to come in and perform a miracle and save the day.
• Our wife is ready to walk out the door and take the children with her.
• She is tired of being placed on the back burner (we’ll discuss this more in another alpha marriage tactic), behind your friends, hobbies, job etc..
• What I want you to understand now is, that your marriage is probably in the lackluster/ boring stage right now.
• Why? Because you are neglecting it, as you do with projects needing done around the house!
• I don’t care who you are. As men we all want to think our marriage is good. But in reality, it’s just barely surviving.
• Like living paycheck to paycheck. One missed check and we’re bankrupt.
• This is how most of our marriages are right now (barely hanging on and surviving!)
• In my experience, usually, if a man thinks his marriage is good, it’s probably not.
• Why? Because in today’s society, we are all delusional.
• We continually rationalize that things are great, when in reality they aren’t (our marriage, our relationship with God, our relationship with our children)
• Just like many of us continually disregard the end of our lives.
• Why? Because it’s a buzz killer to consider what is going to happen when we die, and if we are, or ever will be prepared to stand in front of God!
• Sure, there are great marriages out there (maybe even some legendary marriages) but most today are bad, lackluster, or plain passionless.
• And this stems mostly from one, the pride of us men..
• Two – God is basically absent from our marriage…
• And three – we don’t give our marriage much attention, and expect it to be on autopilot.
• These are all grave mistakes. And it’s only a matter of time before your wife tires and begins displaying symptoms of the curse of Eve! (we’ll discuss this more in a future tactic)
• But for now, she will begin trying to control you, nag you, become unhappy, feel unsecure in your love, clingy.
• Or worse, begin seeking another man’s company to replace you!
• Or even worse yet – she may already be displaying some of these symptoms.
• And if she is – Brother, you are in serious trouble, and don’t even know it!
• So, what’s the solution? The solution is,
• You must be willing to listen to solid advice when the Holy Spirit sends it, through your wife, your mom or dad, or maybe even a friend.
• And by all means, stop - thinking you know everything or have everything under control.
• Because I guarantee you, if you come home one day and your beloved is gone, you will lose control, instead of thinking you are in control!
• So, here are some things that will help…
• Three steps to help abolish pride in your marriage:
  

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• Confession because it’s a sacrament, and all graces from God stem from you being in grace with God.
• Also, if men are not in grace with God, there prayers and sacrifices are of no benefit in the eyes of God
• Pray the litany of humility
• Accept the trials of pride when the Holy Spirit sends them your way.
• The only way to beat the evil of pride is through humility. And the only way to help you with pride is for God to send you tests of humiliation to help you get used to defeating pride in your marriage and common life.
  

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Next, here are Three Benefits to working on Tactic #1

• You will be more able to battle the demonic when it attacks your marriage. Why? Because the only way to defeat the devil is through humility. Because Satan refused to serve!
• Humility will allow you to acknowledge and consider that maybe your wife is not responsible for all problems plaguing your marriage.
• And that you the husband must work on fixing your defects first, if you expect your wife and children to fix themselves as you the husband and father are the leader of the home (authority given by God Himself)
• Sorry - Your wife and children follow your lead and do what you do!
• Eliminating pride will allow you to grow in virtue (which leads to holiness and authentic masculinity, driving you to model the ultimate man Jesus Christ.
• Your virtue and holiness will drive your wife crazy with respect, submissiveness, and devotion. Compelling her to begin fixing her flaws in the marriage and allowing you to lead her and the family towards Christ and His Church!

What are the consequences of failing to follow the Alpha Marriage Tactic #1?

• Your marriage will never become great, holy, or legendary. And will forever loom in mediocrity.
• Your wife will never fully commit to you, or follow your lead because your pride will always come between you her and God.
• An uncomfortable tension will always exist between you as you are always blaming her for your problems, and she reciprocates blaming you!
• You see how this viscous cycle will never stop if you don’t take the lead and work on your flaws first?