How I Saved My Christian Marriage!
And Became A World-Class Lover For My Beloved! (Part 3)
The Holy Caress
Christ is the model for Christian marriage.
Christ manifests the love with which He has loved Her [the Church] by giving Himself for her. That love is an image and above all a model of the love which the husband should show to his wife in marriage, when the two are subject to each other ‘out of reverence for Christ.
~St. Pope John Paul II~ Theology Of The Body
Five Years Of Research
A few years ago, I noticed my wife’s sexual longing diminishing. During our first years of matrimony, we were similar to everyone else I suppose. At that time, we made love everywhere and often. We couldn’t stop embracing each other.
Our love making is always cherished, and my wife agrees. I understand this because, my wife and I speak of our sexuality as a normal part of conversation.
As a matter of fact, this is significant to us. In truth, because we both understand, in order for a Christian Marriage to grow, our intimacy requires significant effort, perseverance, and fortitude. Such as, our relationship with Christ or say our children. (Indulge in more of our marriage trials and how we persevered here)
We often discuss how married men and women take their closeness for granted. If a married couple isn’t participating in the marital act, they’re just good friends, more or less (sure exceptions exist, but very few).
Furthermore, our sensuality, as married people, is the single most act that contributes to us becoming one flesh. In addition, if done with dignity, connects us with God’s love.
Understanding Not Just The Features
God can be nothing but good. Our Father, in fact, can only create good. So, if this holds true, how can sex be dirty?
The answer to that question is complicated. Our Lord created the martial act for a reason (to bind children with their mothers and fathers under a single roof, and for procreation and education of His children).
The above reasons are the features, but the benefits are just as vital. God also made Christian Marriage so that we can understand what His divine love is, and what His love can accomplish.
As a married union, each occasion we take part in love making, we are renewing our marital vow, our love, our commitment to each.
Not sometimes, but each and every time. When we freely give our consent to each other. In essence, we’re also giving our consent to the Father to help us, to give us grace, and to bless our Holy Marriage.
As I’ve said before, the Holy Union unites three. You, your wife and the Father. This is why we must at all cost learn, grow, and understand how to love our wife, save our Christian Marriage and sacrifice self.
The problem; free will distorts this picture.
No Love On Her Mind
My wife started to realize her decline in sensuality after the birth of our youngest son. Of course, she’s on alert to the situation before I am (women are always 10 steps ahead of us men).
When I say a decline in sex drive for my wife, what I mean is sex isn’t on her mind (at all!). Which means that she’s beginning to get used to being without me! To continue, this also means she is able to get by without our intimacy, our closeness, the bond we share.
Can you in actuality, understand what this means? In essence, this means that my wife, the love of my life, no longer desired me as a husband, and as a man. That’s huge, and it got my attention.
In fact, I’ve heard, when one of our hierarchy of needs is missing (food, shelter, intimacy, money) for example, we become consumed at getting it back.
And, I’m here to tell you, that’s exactly what happened to me. I became a warrior, a soldier, a fighter. I became obsessed with finding out what I was doing wrong. In short, I was not going to fail!
Granted, this realization didn’t come to me at once. I needed to learn a few lessons (with a hammer to the head). Before, I was able to move forward. For example, I left it up to her to figure out (not cool, dude).
Selfish And Dumb: What A Combination!
See, the problem with being a man sometimes is, there are points in time where we just don’t get it.
Now, I’m in this partnership too. But, what do I do? I sit back and chill (I figure hey, not my problem). Not to bright, huh?
Continue to read friend, the issues get worse.
In the past, my wife started intimacy as much as or more often than I did. In my experience, this is a big deal for a woman.
Once again, as with my first wife, we began having a low sex marriage (less than twice per week).
Little did I realize, a primary reason for low sex or sexless marriages (less than 10 times per year), stems from the couples having premarital sex.
No Doubt, being human, I started to take matters personal, and get upset. I felt rejected. And, with rejection comes hurt feelings and resentment.
The intimacy between us sunk to the point where I initiated love making, 90 to 95 percent of the time. The change in frequency progressed slow.
By now, she started blaming herself, and getting depressed. So, she and I sat down, and started considering the reasons.
By the way, I’ve always been the sort of man that wants his wife to desire him. I understand now, and even at a young age that intimacy must be a mutual agreement.
Thus, making love when I’m the only partner who wants or enjoys it, is not what I want or need.
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
From this point, as we’re sitting down to talk, the act of getting her tubal ligation surfaced (after the birth of our youngest son). I considered she might be on point, but wasn’t sure.
Another cause we considered, she’s in her early forties, stimulating the early stages of menopause.
As an aside, I started to empathize. After all, she’s an amorous and caring wife. Notwithstanding, the troubling puzzle we’re trying to solve.
So, my wife went to work on trying to solve the problem. I refrained from interfering. I perceived, this task is something she needs to do for herself.
Furthermore, I didn’t think I understood enough about her physiology to help.
So, I let her sift through the mystery for a while. Again, I’m a man. I can’t make heads or tails of a woman’s body (in my eyes) and what’s happening with it?
The only idea looming in my mind; consider contacting a sexual therapist (maybe not a good idea, but it’s all I had).
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Good Intentions
To my wife’s credit, she tried hard to find the problem. She researched and asked around, seeking a competent doctor.
To this end, she found a therapist not far from the city. In fact, if my memory is correct, she even made an appointment to consult with her.
As an aside, I will tell you something regarding my wife. In an emergency she’s a real trooper. She’ll get things done.
But, she isn’t adequate at doing things to prevent the emergency, Which in turn, makes the vain in my neck throb.
In short, she’s not a preventative maintenance person, but when events blow up, she’s the one to call (ready, willing and able).
That being said, she made the appointment, but guess what? She didn’t go! I bugged her to make another appointment. But, I think she’s so frustrated with the whole matter, she’s given up.
Time To Dawn The Cape
For a while I accepted the situation (hoping it’d get better). Well, it didn’t get better. In effect, I didn’t want to pressure her, but the problem got worse. So, I hinted, if I may find a way to help?
I stood fast, and braced myself for some indication of irritation. But, this isn’t my wife.
Despite giving her best, she tried, and understands I’m a diligent problem solver. Thus, I will search long and hard to find the answer to a question that may very well be; unanswerable.
Man On A Mission!
Ok, here I am, a man trying to solve a problem. A problem classified in the area of women physiology.
I must admit, at the time, I had no idea of how a woman’s body worked (Hey, two arms, two legs, a head and some feet, yep, all there).
To echo, I sense this riddle is out of my realm, but my wife is frustrated. In truth, I’m skyrocketing as well. So, I started doing what I do best, I started seeking the truth.
To begin, at first it’s terrible. I encountered the same old tired stuff. Quick fixes (which never work), pills and books written by people whose knowledge only included eroticism.
Nothing on the true theology of what true Christian Marriages are based on (intimacy, sacrifice of self and release of the ego).
I’m a bit unnerved. I may not perceive the intricacies of woman physiology, but I felt I possessed a slight understanding of the psychology of women.
So, as I’m searching, I’m finding it by and large, easy to dismiss plenty of the hogwash that’s printed.
It’s similar to sifting through pages and pages of stuff written by people who appraise they understand how to raise children. But in fact, never created or reared a single soul.
Not to mention, reading material on marriage done by so called experts, who have never tied the knot. Worst yet, having been divorced 100 times; unbelievable!
The ideas and perceptions floating in society, concerning relationships and intimacy, is
disheartening.
The key to good research is, patience and an eye for detail. As well as, good common sense, allowing you to discard useless material.
The True Culprit Is Revealed
After weeks of research, I learned something, I never expected to learn in a million years. I realized my wife’s problem had nothing to do with her. In fact, I learned I’m to blame for this situation[pullquote]I realized my wife’s problem had nothing to do with her. In fact, I learned I’m to blame for this situation[/pullquote] (ah, read on grasshopper).
I’m confused. How am I responsible for my wife’s lack of libido? I’m the same. In fact, my sex drive hasn’t waned during our span of marriage.
As I read on, I experience, the problem with many Christian Marriages (well most marriages?) Affection is a rare commodity. Yes, you got it, not enough sex. Let me explain.
The Standards Are Low
Okay, most married couples engage in what’s referred to as standard sex. This is where couples have slight foreplay. Commence making love, and within 5-15 minutes (often much less) the man ejaculates; session is over (yep, premature ejaculation).
To enlarge upon, let’s do the logic. If most women’s bodies take a minimum of 20 minutes (often much longer, 30 minutes to an hour) just to warm up. But, the love is over in 5-15 minutes, who in essence is fulfilled here? Don’t worry, I’ll answer that for you, not your beautiful beloved!
Do you comprehend the injustice (the time discrepancy?) You’re done in 5 minutes, but her body demands 30.
Obviously, a problem exists somewhere. If you’re done in 10 minutes, but she needs an hour, you two aren’t merging. The most significant, she feels unloved.
So, what happens, her desire for you subsides, in essence, she becomes bored. So imagine proceeding for months, years or decades (in some cases). Can you say, sexless marriage (unhappiness, separation, divorce?)
I’m Trying To Engage Your Empathy
The above, can be likened to working on a job for 12 hours a day, month after month; year after year. Yet, you hate the job, and can’t leave for whatever reason.
What happens? Later on, you will give up trying to be happy. Your perseverance will wane. In the end, you become a robot.
Also, you’re miserable, in most cases that misery will spread to your marriage and children. And last of all, to the world. This my friend, is the plight of many wives in today’s selfish, my needs first (screw yours) society.
It’s estimated that 75% of men are premature ejaculators. Meaning, before your wife can rise to climax for the first time in the session, you beat her to the punch (in fact, Lose Your Cool!).
More important, logic dictates that there is even a higher percentage of wives that aren’t in complete fulfillment and sensing total love.
For instance, they require many more than just the initial climax for the total emotion of complete love, and all-encompassing security. Enter the Forever Orgasm (explained in a later lesson).
My wife told me a story of a friend who left her marriage and had an affair. She later informed my wife that she had forgotten what sex was like. Meaning that it had been years since she was orgasmic.
The good news? You alone (her beloved husband) can give her this joy.
My Husband: My Beloved, My Knight, My Hero!
Most can agree, the marital act presents, men and women with several differences. Despite this fact, they experience similarities as well.
For Instance, as men, if we don’t make love to our wife’s over an extended period, we can get what I call sexual frustration. We get irritable, and even lash out at our wives.
Contrary to society’s teachings, women experience this same frustration. Which in fact, can lead to her feeling unloved and undesired.
[pullquote]The need for orgasms in women, is much more significant than in men. If she doesn’t experience them, she will feel unloved, unwanted, and at once, lose interest in making love.[/pullquote]
In numerous cases, her husband endures her irritability. In extreme cases, even her children aren’t immune.
This Isn’t Your Run Of The Mill Sexual Experience
Why does this happen? Again contrary to society, we must understand married sex is not pornographic, undignified or egotistical.
Holy married intimacy, always upholds the dignity of the human person. In like manner, the ego must never enter the Holy couple’s bedroom.
However, we experience the opposite when we engage in unmarried sex. These sex acts are so far below the married union.
Because the two unmarried persons don’t have the grace of marriage as a sacrament of God. Therefore, their relationship can never grow and prosper to its full potential.
Their uncommitted union, can never attain Holiness or perfection. Why? Well, from the start, the relationship is tainted and doomed. No true bond, no true commitment, void of true Graces from Our Father.
The odds of the relationship continuing on to marriage is astronomical.
Urgently, men must change their mindset concerning sex. Sensuality with our wives is more than just a selfish act that’s the focus of our needs. Moreover, something that feels good, used for the purpose of entertainment.
The marital bond must strive to rise to Holiness and include the Father. Remember, your number one goal as a husband and as a father is to get your wife to Heaven.
You’re responsible for her. You alone are tasked to protect her. As you stand before God, what excuse will you give? What will you say? You cannot accomplish this alone.
You need Our Lord and some kind of mentor for your marriage. Someone to help lead you to Holiness and get your beloved to the promised place (Heaven).
In addition, God didn’t create the act of making love as a sole source of our extreme pleasure. Sensuality’s main purpose is procreation. On the other hand, the Father created sex as an expression of his Divine love for the married couple.
More important, we should comprehend, the other, and less known reasons for
sexual intercourse.
Marital sex creates an almost unbreakable bond between married persons, if done in the proper fashion. This bond ignites Divine interference that merges the couple as one entity; one flesh.
Marriage Unchained
Come, let us make love deathless, thou and I.
~Herbert Trench~Author
Marriage Unchained is designed to mentor your marriage back to health. Further, the course encompasses numerous lessons I’ve learned over my 30 years of marriage.
If you are patient and take heed, Marriage Unchained will be the catalyst starting you on an unbelievable journey. In addition, making your Christian Marriage better than it was, stronger than it was, Holier than it was.
In fact, opening new doors of insight, and truth. Meanwhile, the veil is drawn back slow, and removed from your eyes.
The problem; you don’t know, what you don’t know.
This can be a potential hindrance, because we can all be arrogant in our thinking. Don’t be that man. Stand up and fix this. Stop being reactive, and start being proactive.
No other course incorporates the divine teachings of The Christian Faith. As well as, the sound, unbound, unchained principles of the Holy marital act (The Art Of One Flesh).
Feelings Are Fleeting
The issue, many Christian men, heck many men period, just don’t understand how to nurture a kick butt marriage.
Most are surviving on the fly. Using the “feel good principle” as their compass. All the while, with one foot out the door, and one foot in, as long as they perceive happiness is inside them.
Where is the perseverance, patience, discipline and logic? Brother, feelings are fleeting. In addition, using them as your guide is a recipe for failure. Wake up! Act now!
I’ve been there. I understand, what’s happening, what’s going on, where you’re headed. In short, duds Ville instead of studs Ville.
This tour has taken me decades, and taught me how to build a great marriage. Not an average marriage or good marriage, but a remarkable one.
Not just today, but reaching decades into the future. Ever growing and progressing toward Our Lord (ah, the journey of a lifetime).
Can you make this claim?
Just Another Chicken In The Coop
I realized doing things the normal way of society doesn’t work. Emulating the herd, how does that feel (both feet in quicksand?)
Furthermore, not understanding your direction, what to do, or how to persevere?
Most of all, I decided, I needed to go outside of the norm to save my marriage and family.
Society tells us to be selfish. Society tells us to not only, leave our wives, and our children if we aren’t happy. But, leave if the circumstances aren’t working.
Society tells us and sells us eroticism. In truth, saying to the toilet with intimacy. To continue, society tells us sex is for our own personal enjoyment.
Likewise, never sacrifice our pleasure for the fulfillment, and satisfaction of our wives.
Brother, you can’t win the prize with this foolishness!
Stop being a patsy; go against the norm. You’re not a steer in a herd. You’re a man with a marriage and family to save. Protect them as Christ demands of you!
Look, you’re here for a reason. And that reason, is you need help and you need it now.
Begin the process of understanding how to make love to your wife, so she knows without a doubt, you unconditionally love her. In essence, you’re on fire for her, you hunger for her. Caused by, your actions, not with useless words.
Imagine loving your wife with so much power and passion, she's unable to withstand the intensity?
Let me help you instill Christ back in your marriage.
All this at your own pace, and in complete privacy (if you choose).
To amplify, I have what you want! Come and get this knowledge.
How Is My Life Different Today?
What's Coming Next?
The Next Step Seems To Be On You
- Only you can decide to act.
- Only you can take your marriage to the next level.
- Only you can present your family before the Father (In fact, save your Christian Marriage.)
- So, what now?
