Sexless Marriage: Intimacy Anguish
Causes With Devastating Effects
To be an infallible lover, the first thing you must recognize that sex is and must always be holy. It must make you holy. It must make your beloved holy. It must lead you to him who is holy."~Gregory J. Popcak, Ph.D. ~ Catholic Marriage Therapist and Author
Yes, causes (plural). Several possible reasons exist for sexual issues in marriages. Is your marriage fortunate to have one possibility? Or, is your Holy Union one of the unlucky, meaning two or more to wrestle with?
For this reason, I must bring you along slow. Because, I realize how big of a job you have in front of you.
Just as they proclaim about being overweight. Getting fat didn’t take a couple of weeks. So, what makes you think you’ll lose 100lbs in two weeks?
Remove the quick fix mentality from your brain right now.
If you appraise this journey is a two week or even 30 day task, you are mistaken. Now, I’m not concluding you won’t have small successes along the way.
I need you to understand, this crossroads has taken you years or in some cases decades to reach. A complicated issue, such as a sexless marriage, can't be solved as quick as tomorrow.
Most of all, I need you to dig in; get ready for a battle; persevere.
Do what I’ve addressed earlier in my previous articles; send forth your will. Tell yourself, you will smash this, as you smash a clove of garlic.
You will fight. You will endure, and sacrifice whatever is needed to succeed. Indeed, save and keep what you’ve built, what rightfully is yours by the Grace of God.
Most Common Causes Three Categories:
Emotional, Physical And Spiritual
Sexless Marriage: Ripping The Heart Out Of Closeness
- Feelings Of Depression:
- Each of us experiences mild depression which is normal, but severe depression is another story.
- Depression will affect every aspect of your marriage, including the sacred union.
- Feelings Of Emptiness:
- This can cause severe promiscuity; always searching to fill that hole in your gut.
- Drugs, pornography, money, any vice you can dream of. Problem; it’s never enough!
- Genital Pain (Mental):
- There’s some mental anguish or pain that you’ve caused. She unknowingly transfers this to making sacred love, believing the sacred marital act causes her physical pain.
- Chronic infidelity breaks the bond (physically and emotionally).
- The total giving of self is impossible. Without this, you have no marriage (well, maybe on paper).
- Lack Of Trust:
- Stops self-giving; self-sacrificing love in its tracks.
- No trust, no marital intimacy. No marital intimacy; no marriage.
- Lack Of Vulnerability:
- Each partner must feel vulnerable to the other. There must be something given up; something on the line.
- Only then can you sense as though you’re giving up something for the greater good of the other.
- Mental Illness (severe):
- This is self-explanatory, but is often overlooked.
- Premature Ejaculation:
- 75% of men suffer this.
- Meaning, you ejaculate before your wife has a chance to experience her first climax.
- Premarital Sex With Multiple Partners:
- Each failed sexual relationship creates defensive barriers, making it difficult to create a lifelong marriage.
- Premarital Sex With Your Wife:
- Cohabitation increases the chance of divorce at a high rate.
- Focusing on self.
- Unwilling to sacrifice your life for your wife.
Overcoming The Physical
How Do You Fix The #1 Pain In Your Marriage?
More Importantly, How Do You Improve It Fast?
Take The 20-Minute Marriage Makeover Challenge!
Sexless Marriage: Not New Age Or New Wave
I mean the one and only Holy Trinity (Father; Son; Holy Spirit)
- Stops trust, stops vulnerability, stops the giving of total self, stops (emotional, physical and psychological) bonding in your marriage. (DOOMED TO FAILURE!)
- More important, it stops children. It’s proven, the more children the less chance of divorce and marital problems.
- Didn’t Get Married In The Church:
- If you don’t understand what grace is, you better find out quick.
- In the Catholic Faith marriage is a sacrament. This means your marriage receives special graces from God. (in short, it enhances the effects of your marriage).
- Godless Marriage:
- God created marriage. It takes three, your odds of success are low without the Almighty.
- Prayer will save your marriage if you persevere and endure.
- Without prayer you have no protection from the effects of “The Fall” (sin, the bad, evil).
- Bad, evil or immoral behavior crushes your marriage like a tin cup. Marriage is hard enough when you do things right.
- It’s like swimming in the ocean against a huge wave. Problems come fast and hard. Too fast for you to fix them all.
- Pure selfishness; causes you to turn in upon yourself
- Only a matter of time before your marriage is over.
- Can cause erectile dysfunction (can you say sexless marriage?)
7. Forgoing Confession
- This is where our marriage counseling should be.
- Confession relieves an unbelievable amount of weight from your soul.
- We must understand what God loves about the marital embrace. Confession is where we learn this!
Many will analyze what I've stated above, and dismiss it outright.
One, because they've never considered how much their selfish past, has infected their once rapturous marriage.
But even less noticeable, once they realize most of what is said above either applies to them, or partially applies. They will get angry, or hurt feelings, and retreat back into the twilight zone of denial.
Why? Because the truth hurts. In fact, anger is usually the first response to truth. It's hard to face up to our own sins and misdeeds.
These conclusions are of course a mistake, and moreover, naive. In order to fix our selfish lives, and to claim peace. We must seek courage; embrace truth.
Hey, no husband starts out wanting to endure the effects of intimacy problems, or more drastic, a sexless marriage (but it happens.) Why? Because men get complacent. We get lazy; the big head. In essence PRIDE!
We think we know everything. But in fact, we don't know crap. And worse yet? We refuse to look in the mirror, and admit it! Just Dumb!
Finally, a sexless marriage will kill your marriage (guaranteed). Sex is a gift from the Father, for the married couple. It's the only way that they can become seamless, inseparable, unbreakable; one flesh.
In This Article: How We've Rocked It!
- You learned the many possible reasons for the cause of intimacy problems in a marriage.
- You also learned, an absence of God in your marriage will invite evil to reign.
- Also, how your past immoral deeds (however you choose to look at it) is now contaminating every aspect of your union with your Beloved.
- Finally, how in order to solve these issues, perseverance is a must.
What's Coming Next?
In My Upcoming Article We'll Focus On:
- One of the most controversial verses in the bible concerning marriage.
- And how that verse should really apply to marriage.
- Is the Christian faith just a list of rules, or a guaranteed path to happiness, fulfillment and peace?
- What does submit, subordinate or subject to really mean; concerning wives and marriage?
- Understanding what the Father is asking of you, as a Christian husband.
- And why Christ's example of masculinity, must be your course!