Unhappy Marriage: The Pursuit Of Misery
Let us understand that God is a physician, and that suffering is a medicine for salvation, not a punishment for salvation.
~Saint Augustine
You will never attain true happiness until you sacrifice your life. I know, this statement doesn’t sound fair does it?
Our society focuses on self. So, as I’ve said in the past, your marriage is unable to sustain this thinking.
Furthermore, many of us are so self-absorbed, we fail to realize we are; self-absorbed. In essence, it’s our wife’s fault. She’s the problem. If the kids would just behave better.
In his book “Finding True Happiness: Satisfying Our Restless Hearts (Happiness, Suffering And Transcendence)” Father Robert J. Spitzer speaks concerning the four levels of happiness.
He assesses that we must rise from the lower, more egotistical forms of happiness. And flow more towards the higher levels of happiness (if we are to regain our true sanity).
Below, I explain Father Spitzer’s basic definitions of the four levels of happiness. I want you to consider them and ask yourself where you fit. As well as, how this can be applied to an unhappy marriage.
Father Robert Spitzer’s Four Levels Of Happiness:
Where Do You Fall?
Level One
Happiness Derived From Material Objects And The Pleasures They Can Provide.
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Level one: the most basic level of happiness. The major focus is on self, and garners short lived moments of gratification.
Unhappy Marriage: Chasing A Diabolical Deadend Examples: eating a big fat juicy steak, watching an exciting movie, playing a video game or entertaining yourself with your cell phone. As well as, partaking in drugs, such as cocaine, crack or marijuana.Question: Do you overindulge and pursue these short lived forms of happiness every day?Question: Do you allow them to distract you from the realization that your life will someday end?Question: Does this level describe you?
More importantly, are you allowing these items to directly or indirectly contribute to an unhappy marriage?
Father Robert Spitzer’s Four Levels Of Happiness:
Where Do You Fall?
Level Two
Happiness Derived From Personal Achievement And Ego Gratification.
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Level Two: While not all bad, this type of happiness is needed to garner self-esteem, self-respect and drive us to success. But when competition, and self-promotion are your entire arsenal used to explode your self-worth and ego.
Unhappy Marriage? Unchain Your Sacrifice; Forsake Selfishness You will find it’s a never ending cycle. Full of cynicism, envy, fear of failure, contempt for others and isolation. On his website, Father Spitzer lists this level of happiness as short-term and tenuous.Examples: You experience feelings of happiness: when you are praised, respected and set apart from the crowd.*You’re seen as the best in your field, and it fills you with extreme pleasure.*You’re always driven to win looking for that high, exaltation and appreciation from others.Question: Is this your life?Question: Is your drive for adoration placed even above your marriage; above The Father?Question: Does this describe you? Is participation in an unhappy marriage the result?
Father Robert Spitzer’s Four Levels Of Happiness:
Where Do You Fall?
Level Three
Happiness Derived From Doing Good For Others and Making The World A Better Place.
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Level Three: Isn't it wild how humans can mess up a pure and good thing? Now, this has to be the right cause to make the world better. You can’t be out there fighting to keep the killing of innocent unborn babies legal.
Can An Unhappy Marriage Change The World? Level three is free from the act of self-absorption. This level focuses on accomplishments for the common good. As Father emphasizes on his site, “This level is more enduring, because of the human desire for love, truth, goodness, beauty and unity.”Although, this happiness is great and powerful, Father professes, “that men are limited and imperfect. So, it’s impossible to find complete and perfect fulfillment in others.”Examples: Having a mission to spread the Word of God in your environment; using Christ as the ultimate example.*Encouraging others to embrace Christs morality by helping them overcome evil and sin in their lives.*By helping and feeding the poor.*Also, by instilling in men that their lives can be eternal. This world isn’t the end. Through Our Lord, they can conquer mortality.Question: Does your family include this level of happiness?Question: Is your marriage suffering due to the lack of this level of happiness (in essence, creating an unhappy marriage?)Question: Do you have the courage to change the world?
Father Robert Spitzer’s Four Levels Of Happiness:
Where Do You Fall?
Level Four
Ultimate And Perfect Happiness.
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Level Four: As stated above, men are imperfect. And so, are incapable of complete and perfect happiness in each other. But, our sense and desire for such things as perfect love and unity, are instilled in us at creation by the Creator. We are pulled and called to seek “The Father” at all cost.We are pulled (if we pay attention) to search and journey towards the truth. For this reason, the first two levels are shallow and severely flawed, if this is our ultimate truth.In this case, we are given by God exactly what we ask for; self-seeking misery.
Unhappy Marriage: In Your Marriage (In Order To Obtain Happiness) You Must Have A Common Goal Of God (Transcendence)
Has She Asked For A Divorce?...Left The Home?
Not Sure Where To Begin?
Has Your Marriage Lost The Fire, The Passion, The Devotion?
Lost Her Respect? Can't Seem To Make Her Happy Anymore?
- Secret #1: Chaos in your marriage and home?
- Secret #2: Could a lack of Authentic Masculinity be the culprit?
- Secret #3: Is your intimacy average or non-existent?
Just How Serious Are You?...Your Next Step Starts Here..."Has she asked for a divorce, left the home, Are you separated; divorced? If So, TAKE ACTION NOW to fix this..."
Unchain Your Sacrifice
Husbands should say to their wives: I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself.For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us ...I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you."~Saint John Chrysostom
As we reflect on the four levels of happiness. This gives us a nice opportunity to explore implementing these points in our holy union. More exact, giving us a chance to extinguish the plague of an unhappy marriage.
These days we don’t protect and cherish women as in the past. Society has changed our mindset. We no longer view women as feminine. In fact, we regard them as being able to fend for themselves.
Men speak on occasion that they treat women as men nowadays. They’re no longer placed on pedestals, and treated like ladies.
We no longer open the door for women. As a matter of fact, recently I observed a man and his wife. He came close to knocking her to the floor. As she tried entering the store. Can you imagine how cherished she feels throughout her life? Can you say UNHAPPY MARRIAGE?
Henceforth, our roles are reversed. The women are more masculine. Likewise, the men are more feminine (we’re confused). So, it’s natural that this behavior flows into our marriages.
On this account, I could write another five articles on feminism, and current role reversals.
The problem; women are still women. They need what men alone can give them. Even though they act self- sufficient. They’re still women on the inside; part of us; made from us; our helpmate. We can’t ignore these natural instincts, infused by our Creator.
For example, security, the need for protection, and the intuition of total and self-giving commitment.
Husbands have to go against the pull of society. While, igniting their will to love, cherish and sacrifice for their
Beloved.
Earn Her Love
If you are suffering intimacy issues in your marriage (hence, an unhappy marriage). We’ve discussed some of the causes of intimacy problems in a previous article in this series (here). Now we’ll begin discussing how to solve these issues.
As I’ve done throughout this lesson so far, we need to continue to lay the foundation. Otherwise, you will find yourself at a marriage counselor. Which I, and many call; divorce counseling. (Understand how to prevent an unhappy marriage, by understanding the cautions of marriage counseling here.)
You don’t want to end up in divorce counseling! So, let’s view how we can prevent you from ending up in this nightmare. Again, seek counseling as a last resort.
When I advise, unchain your sacrifice. I mean, you ought to use your will to zoom past all the faults of your wife (for now). Furthermore, prepare yourself to become the husband she needs. Despite, the husband you want to give her. In essence, let’s work on fixing you (therefore, washing away your wife’s ammunition.)
This strategy is flawless, and believe it or not; it works!
Not Just Want You; But Hunger For You
Alright, time to test your fortitude somewhat. From this point forward, do not approach your wife to make love, until she approaches you (Aargh, Jerry don’t do this to me!)
Stop; stop it right now. If you’re reading this, it means that the stuff you’ve tried in the past isn’t working. Moreover, you’re frustrated, hurt, irritated. You may even be angry. I know, I was at a point in my marriage.
In addition, are you able to give her the gift of the Forever Orgasm (again, later lesson?)
Remember, you have a mission. And, right now; less is more. You ought to spend this duration, understanding how to get yourself in order. The most significant, analyze yourself. Once we get you in the perfect mindset. She will come to you.
For this to happen, you must earn the privilege to make sacred love to her. In fact, once again; become worthy of her. I want her to need you; long for you; hunger for you. Come to you in the middle of the night as your wife, desiring you; above all else.
In truth, not because she has to; in sharp contrast because she needs to. Indeed, you’ve converted into the husband she’s always visualized. You’ve eliminated the rough edges; to become her knight, her protector, her hero.
This is what I want for you (In effect, demolishing your unhappy marriage.)
However, you’re not ready yet! In essence, not yet worthy. So, be patient, take your time and stick with me. We’re going to get you where you ought to be.
Put Her First In All Things
Today’s society has most likely trained you to focus on yourself. The problem; your marriage can’t sustain selfishness and survive.
On the contrary, your wife must sense you are committed to her for eternity. The most dramatic (through your actions) let her know that she has your true self. Otherwise, her nature won’t allow her to give her total self to you.
In essence, you should prepare her for love every day. You must make love to her throughout the day (without committing the marital act).
You must show favor and attention; tease her; hold her; touch her. All this even if you don’t have the desire to. Remember, these affections are a way of sacrificing your sentiments for hers. She needs this. She needs you.
Continuing, you must do thoughtful things for her. Call her throughout the day, to sense how she’s doing. In addition, asking her if there’s anything you can do to make her life easier.
Your goal; put her needs front and foremost in your mind. Accomplishing this mindset isn’t easy.
Brother, she’s your wife. Again, no relationship is more vital than the union with your Beloved.
Write her letters and notes. In addition, tell her how you want and desire her above all else. Buy her flowers. Do these acts of amorousness, no matter if passion fills your heart or not.
As I’ve indicated before, love is an act of the will. Especially being a man, because many times our minds are preoccupied.
Even if you have to schedule times in your calendar. Make sure these items are done.
A selfish man romances his wife alone, when his desires are focused on himself and his ego. A man of God, a Christian man, a masculine man, romances his wife for the rest of her life; in spite of himself; with and through the eyes of Christ.
Marriage is a marathon not a sprint!
Thus, total and complete intimacy is required throughout the day. You may bellow, “I’ve heard this stuff before.”
Well, if you have, are you implementing them? I’m telling you this because your wife needs these acts of love and attention. They give her a sense of being loved and cherished. Not today, but for the rest of your marriage.
To repeat, you’re sacrificing your life for hers. Your wants and needs for hers. And from this, you are sanctifying (purifying) cleansing her before God.
As you unleash your sacrifice, your wife will notice. She will want to understand why. She will view you in a different light. Her flame will once again, flicker for you. To repeat, don’t approach her for sacred intimacy. She must come to you.
Continue to caress her, touch her and be intimate with her throughout the day. Prepare her for your love. More and more keep preparing yourself to become worthy of her.
Appreciation
After you’re familiar with the actions above, and get comfortable. Focus on showing sincere appreciation for all that your wife does.
A husband ought to shout from the mountain tops to any, and everyone who will listen, the appreciation he has for his wife. And, all she does for him and their family.
Make this a top priority. In truth, showing appreciation for your wife is almost (not quite) as important as your intimacy. You can’t mess this up!
This is a major mindset in improving an unhappy marriage! This mindset forces and trains you to focus on your wife. Thereby softening her heart for you.
I repeat; do not neglect this vital step!
No Chemicals: No Gadgets
The unmistakable fact concerning most of the causes of sexual problems in marriages, the solutions are natural, and require you to perform an action. That’s it.
Sure, a couple causes (mental illness for example) aren’t included in this courses realm of expertise.
But, several require a mindset change from you the husband.
Henceforth, we’ll cover this later down the line. At present, the most important aspects are what we’ve discussed so far in this course. The foundation, the basics should be worked on as soon as possible.
Summary
This series of articles is about leading you on the path to Sainthood and Holiness. And, that starts with your marriage. As stated in previous articles, you are commanded to get your Beloved to Heaven. Even at the sacrifice of your life.
You can’t be the man God is calling you to be without your wife; without your marriage. Furthermore, you need her. She is part of you; she is made for you; she is made from you.
So far I’ve been trying to forge a new you. Strip your mind, break it down. Remember, Iron Sharpens Iron (alone can men form men).
Next we’ve learned many causes of intimacy problems in a marriage. As well as, how each of them can damage your sacred union.
Continuing, we delved into Ephesians to gather what The Father demands of husbands and wives and how this leads to an outstanding Christian marriage.
Lastly, sacrifice. Without your sacrifice, your wife’s soul is in dire straits. She needs you to get to Heaven. Never forget this fact. Heaven is real. So logic must rule; Hell is no illusion as well.
As the fellas slang in the “Hood”, “You’d better recognize!”
Throughout this series of articles, I’ve tried to lead you on a path and establish a foundation. In order that you understand how everything we do in the future as well as the past effects our marriage.
Dr. Fitzgibbons of maritalhealing.com proclaims, 99% of all marriage problems (including your unhappy marriage; if you are in one) can be solved. The major problem is, no one works hard enough to try and save their marriage. And that is due to the major cause of divorce; selfishness!
However, if you demonstrate perseverance, your unhappy marriage can turn into a thriving union, unable to be broken.
OK, now that you are primed with a stable foundation, get out there and put it into action. And this occurs, with practice and repetition. In order, that these basics will become second nature throughout the day.
In This Article: How We've Rocked It!
- You learned one of the top ways to demolish an unhappy marriage (appreciation).
- Again, sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice! Give your life away; in service of your Beloved (the only way to become true man).
- And, you also learned, and had pounded into your noggin, the number one destroyer of marriages; Selfishness!
- Finally, the basics for conquering an unhappy marriage; getting out there and putting the foundation into action.
Do you feel at this time you're in an unhappy marriage?
- How long have you been trying to defeat it?
- Do you think sacrifice and service can cure an unhappy marriage?
- What about your friends and family? How are there marriages progressing in this day and age of total and complete selfishness?
What's Coming Next?
In My Upcoming Article We'll Focus On:
- A series of three articles focused entirely on how to prevent a bad, sad or unfulfilled marriage (In essence, keep you off the path of divorce and a broken family.)
- Furthermore, how to ignite the most magnificent intimacy and lovemaking in your Christian marriage.
- While also learning, the three secrets of how I made sacred love to my Beloved for six hours (straight) without fatigue.
- Finally, how I inserted the Father into my marriage and learned what he expects of me as a Christian husband as well as, a man of God!
- And much more!
