Radical Rant Of The Day

How To Survive In Marriage Counseling

•If you are a Catholic husband you can’t go to marriage counseling because it will kill your marriage not save it!

What Is Marriage Counseling

Basically, Designed To Help You Break Up Your Marriage On Good Terms

• Marriage counseling places your mental state above your moral state.
• Couples therapy is designed to help you reconcile as long as both spouses want to save the marriage.
• This fails miserably when one spouse wants to save the marriage and the other does not.
• Because most times the one that doesn’t want to save the marriage will be unresponsive or sabotage the counseling because they don’t care, are indifferent, or feel they have done all they can do to save the marriage.
• So, what does the therapist do?
• When they see the couple can’t or won’t fix the marriage, they change tactics to getting the couple to separate and end the marriage amicably.
• The problem is when we are Catholic or Christian we are morally obligated to stay in the marriage as long as there is no infidelity or physical abuse.

• Do not talk, or defend yourself or do any Marriage Killers in counseling (arguing, debating, complaining, verbally attacking etc).
• This will turn the counselor and your wife against you. They will start to blame you for everything and move towards getting you to separate either temporarily or permanently.
• Bite your tongue and do the stress techniques.

• Empathize with her

❖ Listen to her without interrupting
❖ Give an empathy statement of understanding
❖ Tell her you understand why she is feeling the way she is feeling
❖ Or that is really sad how they treated you.
❖ Or I understand why you feel you have to leave.

• Supporther

❖ If you did anything that she is accusing you of apologize and say
❖ yes you are right I am sorry and I should have done that better!
❖ Find things you agree with what she is saying and feeling and focus on that
❖ Don’t focus on the negative find good things to say about your wife
❖ No marriage killers of blaming, criticizing, or defending yourself
❖ This will draw her closer to you

• What can you do to help?

❖  After that ask her what can you do to make things better?

❖  How can you help?

❖  And then shut up and end it

❖  If she says that you can do anything, make note of it and be sure to do it before the next session or begin working on how to get it done.

Messaging That Will Get You Shut Down Quick

• I’m not asking you to be or become a wuss, but I am asking you to be clear, positive, and appropriate to encourage a positive response or a result getting action from your Beloved!
• Bottom line: The better you communicate the better she will respond!
• We must understand that we can’t just speak to our wives anyway we want.
• Arguing, yelling, raising our voice, insulting them causes pain, hurt, fear and anger, which hurts your wife to the depths of her being.
• Why?
• Because we are bonded to them, we make love with them, we have children with them, we are married before God with them.
• These bonds are strong, which causes your wife to begin to believe you don’t care, love her, appreciate her.
• Eventually causing her to shut down on you! And begin the Wife’s Exit Strategy!
• Every time you use messages as like the examples below you lose trust points with your wife and once your trust points reach zero she will shut you down and not talk to you!Shut You Down Quick Messages4. Negative Messages (These cause emotional distance)

  o Examples:

  ❖ “I wish you weren’t so...”
  ❖ “I don’t like the way...”
  ❖ Can’t you...”

  5. Unclear Messages (these cause confusion and misunderstanding)

  o Examples:

  • ❖  “I want you to straighten up your act and be nice once in a while.”➢ What does ‘straighten up” mean? How often is “once in a while”?
  • ❖  “I wish you would behave more like a woman.”➢ How does a woman behave?
  • ❖  The way that you talk to me reminds me of why we don’t talk much.”➢ What way?6. Inappropriate Messages (these cause frustration, hurt, and or anger)

    o Examples:

    ❖ “Compared to my ex, you’re...”
    ❖ You’re such a bitch, nag, hag, etc.”
    ❖ “I don’t see the point in talking to you”
    ❖ “It’s a waste of time talking to you”

    Messaging That Works

    1. Attract your wife to you physically and emotionally, by looking good and smelling good.

    2. By not doing any needy Marriage Killers (arguing, complaining, defending yourself etc.)

    3. These will only cause her to withdraw and not open up the conversation.

    4. Reconnect with your wife by empathizing, supporting, and helping her when you can in the marriage session.

    5. Don’t try to get her to pull back the divorce, or come back home or change her plans right now.

   

  6. Your main job again is to listen intently which draws her to you emotionally!

  Bringing It All Together

  Remember marriage counseling is a last resort and should not be done initially before you as a husband fix yourself.

  If you are in marriage crisis you need marriage coaching not marriage counseling especially if only one of you or neither of you desire marriage counseling.

  Your wife still loves you but not the man she sees before her.

  In order to rebuild your marriage you must find a system that encourages you to remain consistent and persistent in your changes.

  As always you are the key to this whole marriage crisis ordeal. Be you wuss or be you warrior?

  Need more help in this are there is a great resource...

  Book: Connecting Through Yes by Dr. Jack Ito

  Would you like more help, because your wife has asked for a divorce, left the home, or is seeing another man?

  Visit www.SaveMyCatholicMarriage.com not just to get your wife back, but to stop her from ever wanting to leave again!

  BAM!

  TRANSITION